the beginning, chapter 1

Posted: February 6, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Thought I’d start to fill in some of my past, starting at the beginning. The very beginning.

I was born just north of Pittsburgh in a small town called Monaca, PA. The only thing I remember from there is having my ass beat all the way up the driveway for riding my tricycle down into the street and sitting on the yellow line in the middle of the street and watching the cars go by LMAO! I was 3. We moved to Ohio soon after….

My father worked for the Corps of Engineers, so he transferred to Michael J. Kirwan Dam when I was 3. We moved into the project on the government property, not knowing that the neighbors (dad’s boss and his wife) were absolutely insane. It got worse as the years wore on…but that comes later.

Growing up in a place that is far from everyone and pretty secluded, i pretty much kept myself entertained. I walked in the woods, went to the dam and watched the water, or went down to the boatramp to watch the boats on the lake. Riding my bike was my life (I loved riding my bike!). As I got a little older, i was allowed to ride my bike further, and visit some friends in the tiny little town of Wayland, OH. It literally had one little store, and the post office was inside the store. It was a tiny little place.

There were many happy memories in Ohio as a child. I made straight A’s in school, i had a couple close flriends, and it was a typical, normal life, so I thought. Living right on the lake was great! There was a huge hill to sled ride on in the winter, there was the water in the summer, and I was fairly happy.

Then, when I was 10, things changed. The neighbor’s wife got pretty nasty, to the point of getting violent with my mother, and my father transferred to Tygart Dam in Grafton, WV. Peg (the neighbor’s wife) was just a bitch, so we thought at the time. Finding out later that we think she had alzheimers and didn’t know what she was doing, but we knew nothing about that at that time. So, onward…to WV.

I’m 10 years old, starting the fifth grade at a new school in a small town in WV. We lived even farther from everyone, the closest neighbor was over a mile away, and people with kids even further. I was an outcast. I talked to a few people, had a couple friends, but not good ones. More like acquaintances. My grades dropped, I was picked on at school, and I hated it. The adults waved and were friendly, but the kids were horrible. Sixth grade took us to middle school. I was still making B’s and C’s, but not the A’s I was making in Ohio.

The middle school was an impossibly old building up on the hill. The buses couldn’t even get to the street that the school was on, so they dropped the kids off on Main Street, and we walked up the concrete steps, 263 of them, to the school. Rain, snow, sun, it didn’t matter, that’s what we did. It sucked. Not enough heat, or way too much. No a/c, the huge old wooden windows being opened for air provided nothing…and the kids got worse. I survived, but had a couple run-ins, and even my bus didn’t take me all the way home. It dropped me off at the bottom of the huge hill that we lived on top of, and I had to wait for the high school bus to stop and pick me up to take me the rest of the way.

When I was 12, my mom started working at The Mountain Statesman, the local newspaper. She did circulation stuff, printed off labels for the papers being delivered (they mailed them, they didn’t get delivered by the newspaper people).

The sixth and seventh grades were pretty unremarkable, even though I was starting to look at the guys around me and wonder….but being in a small town in WV, there was no way I would ever let these kids know what I was thinking. When I was in the 8th grade, I met a girl named Teresa, and we became friends, went to our first dance together, and started dating. That was also the year that I had gym class, and at the end of class one day, a couple of the jocks held this poor kid down on his knees while one of them proceeded to try to make him suck his dick because they “thought” he was gay. And they did this in front of the whole class when we were lined up waiting for the end of the period bell. I knew that day that I would never come out as long as I lived there, and that I had no choice but to wait until I was out of school and move away as soon as possible.

I dated Teresa for 2 years, and being that she wanted to save herself for marriage, it was perfect for me. No expectations or pressure on either of us. I wonder now if she had suspicions, since I never even tried to get her to go further than she stated in the beginning. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t disgusted by women as most gay men seem to be, I was just more interested in men. I still had no choice but to wait until I was an adult though. I could not even try to experiment with a friend, because of the consequences if he said no, or it got out what I was thinking…..

Moving into high school, I dated Teresa until the 10th grade. She broke up with me because I had started smoking, and she found out. I had hidden it for quite some time. After that, i saw no reason to hide it, and started going out to the smoking area behind the school.  I didn’t date anyone for the rest of that year.

In the 11th grade, i met Dallas. We hit it off, and she was great to hang out with. She had had sex with her previous boyfriend, and she was my first. She was a year ahead of me in school, so at the end of the year, she graduated.  We dated for 2 years, on and off, and at some point she had gotten pregnant. I realized that she had gotten pregnant when we were apart for a month, but I thought I could handle it…I was wrong. I had been working at a department store, and my sister in Ohio offered to have me move up there because the jobs were better, and I took her up on it. So I moved to Ohio when Dal was 8 months along….I realized as soon as I moved away that I loved her, but not like I should if I were going to raise a child with her and spend the rest of our lives together, so I cut ties mostly. She pressed a paternity suit which was negative in the end. I say the baby only once after she was born. I ended up cutting ties to her altogether soon after that. So I’m now living in Ohio for a short time…I’m 19, my first time away from home, and things were hard.

My father had his first heart attack awhile before I moved away, but he was better by the time I left. Things were hard, and I had no ability to budget money (and am still piss-poor at it LOL), so I ended up having to move home shortly thereafter. Just in time for me to be at my parents house in WV when my father had his second heart attack.

I’m going to stop here for now, and will continue this story soon. I’m now 20, living at my parents in WV, and things start to get interesting….

  1. nancy says:

    Wow, Scott. I didn’t know most of that. It’s pretty interesting.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s