the beginning-chapter 2

Posted: February 10, 2011 in personal history
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I realized after going over my last post, that I skimmed over high school and left almost everything out. Unconscious mind blockage, that is my excuse. I absolutely hated high school, and if not for my close friends at that time, i wouldn’t be here today. So thank you to those that i was close to in those years…the closest being Tara, Teresa, Dallas, Melissa,  Tammy and Beth for the girls side, and scott, todd, chuck, johnny, ed and jimmy for the guys. These are the people who had to listen to me vent and they put up with my crap on a daily basis. I’m sure there are others that I haven’t put here, but please don’t feel neglected. It’s a mind-set thing, and in my mood right now, these are the people that come to mind.

Onward! High school was hell. I had already decided that, after 5-8 grades, i hated WV and the schools and the way kids treated outsiders. And that’s what i was, an outsider. I was never accepted as “homegrown” and I never fit in. Now, I wonder if that was because i wasn’t from there, or because somehow, subconsciously, we all knew i was different because i’m gay. I will probably never know. The Island Of Misfit Toys has always been my home…:)

My memories are foggy sometimes, and I may be confused and mix up the year of certain events, but this is what i remember most from high school….hating, being hated, and hiding behind that mask i made with that big smile. I was never truly happy, but i forced myself to hide it, and to only show a smiling face to all….only a select few knew when i was upset about something, or pissed off….most just saw me smile my way through everything. That mask is what kept me from throwing myself off the dam, since that would be easiest….and the fact that i belong to the water, and i would return there. (my parents bought me SCUBA classes for my 14th birthday).  I was bullied through every year of high school…and I can’t even imagine the bullying i’d have had to deal with if i had come out then. At that time, i pretty much hated my life, every aspect of it.

Ok….freshman year, my most outstanding memory is of getting the one and only F i ever got in school…in mechanical drawing. The teacher was a moron, and expected too much work to be done without teaching anything. Out of a class of 32, only 2 people passed, and if i remember correctly, they were second-year student. I would probably have gone on to be an architect or some type of draftsman if he had not been so idiotic that it completely turned me away from drawing of any kind. i don’t remember much else about that year….

My sophomore year memory is driver’s ed….those of you remember GHS and drivers ed….a quarter doing bookwork, a quarter for study hall, a quarter for driving, and another quarter for study hall.

My junior and senior years are a blur…the dances, the hanging out, getting laid for the first time…..but my memory is so fuzzy, i remember WHO i went to the dances with (homecoming, varsity ball, prom) but not which dance i went to with whom, or which dances i didn’t attend.  Most people i know can rattle that stuff off like it was yesterday….but not me. I DO remember the Chess Club, the chess tournaments we went to…jim and brian  getting me to start smoking…but mostly i remember computer classes my senior year.

Computers…i liked them when I was a senior. I took 3 classes dealing with computers and programming, along with a night college class.  I was into it…until the end. I remember the exact moment that i started disliking it…the minute that Mrs. Decker accused me of cheating and tried to have me expelled. I remember what i did clearly, and the outcome, but it was not as she believed. Melissa always had problems in class, and i helped her all the time.  I was too busy one day to help her, so I gave her my disc and told her to look at my assignment and how I did it, so she could see what to do. Instead, she copied it, changed the name on it, and turned it in. That was not my intention at all, but the instructor believed that it was. I remember my mom going in to a meeting with the teacher and principal, and discussing it. She had Mrs. Decker in tears in that room. A month before graduation, and she was trying to get me expelled….gee, how would THAT look on my permanent record?? All i was doing was trying to help someone, not trying to cheat. Ugh. I kinda didn’t want anything to do with computers after that, as I saw it as things can be done that you can’t prove, and you can be blamed for them….along with the bad taste in my mouth from her treatment….

I did graduate, and nothing came of the allegations from Mrs. Decker….thankfully…but I had no way to actually prove what I did or didn’t do….I DID give her my disc, but NOT with the intention of her doing what she did…so did I actually cheat?? Tough question, and I’m glad that the principal sided with me…and thankfully that I had NEVER been in trouble at school, not ever. I was truly a very good boy until i turned about 20 or so….;)

A couple weeks after graduation, i did a temp job for Heck’s department store doing inventory…the WHOLE STORE inventory. Took about 2 weeks, midnight shift. They liked my work, and soon after that, offered me a job. I worked there  for 11 months….along with a job at a local full service gas station pumping gas. I also got a 3rd job at a McDonald’s in Morgantown, and I was also doing volunteer work with the Emergency Squad on the ambulances. On thursday morning, i left home to drive to McDs for work…It was chilly, but there was nothing on the roads as far as snow or ice. Or so I thought. I hit a patch of black ice on a curve, and spun my Caprice out…slamming into a rock backwards. I don’t know how long I was out, but I came to, blood on my forehead, and walked 1/4 mile to the closest house. They were up, and getting ready for church, but stayed, let me call my parents to come pick me up. I thought that since i was bleeding from my head, that i should probably go to the hospital and get checked…but dad said i was fine. Having volunteered on the ems squad for a couple years at this point, i really thought that i should go to the hospital, but dad said no, he wasn’t taking me, i was finel. I went home, and slept for 24 hours straight through. I spent a saturday night at the EMS answering the phone, and had to go to work the next morning at 6 in morgantown, so I left after getting almost no sleep, and began the drive to work, about 40 minutes away. I made it to the bottom of Hospital Hill, and that is the last thing i remember until I was crawling out of my car….I don’t remember driving up the hill (a 1-mile drive), or waving at my ex-girlfriends mother along the way…but at the top, i went through a telephone pole…snapped the pole into 4 pieces, riding one piece across a ditch and placing my car right up against a house. Not even a scratch on the house, but you couldn’t slide a piece of paper between them. As I got out of the car, there were phone lines strung over the top of my car, and i hit my head on one….realizing that one of them might be power lines, i ducked down and crawled away from the car and the lines. I happened to be right in front of my exes house, and of course she heard the accident and came outside….took me in, bandaged my knuckles (i put my hands in front of my face as I jolted forward) and called chuck, a friend of mine. He happened to be DJing at a local gospel radio station alone that day, put on a long-play record, and came to see me LOL. We also called my parents….who were getting ready for church, and my brother was visiting from Ohio. They came down…the police officer that showed up at the scene was my roommate’s ex-husband, so he called her, and she came down (in her pink bunny slippers, i might add LMAO). It was like a 3-ring fucking circus….and all my dad did was bitch because when he opened my car door, a mcdonalds bag fell out. OMG, are you fucking kidding me!?!? But in the end, i completely lucked out. I wasn’t charged with anything, and my insurance paid the TRIPLE TIME for the repair crews to come out and replace the pole. I went to the hospital, was checked out and was fine. Had a heart monitor on for a week, and that came back normal. So, good to go, right? hmmmm.

Now that my car was smashed front AND rear, it was junk. the rear end was smashed up pretty well from the rock 3 days before, and now the hood looked like a horseshoe. I had not been wearing a seatbelt, and my chest completely shoved the steering wheel INTO the dash, you couldn’t even budge it. My knees had smashed the underneath dashboard. The car was fucked. Needless to say, I couldn’t work at mcdonalds (a 40-minute drive, remember?) anymore, so had to quit. I was just working at the department store after that. dallas was pregnant, and we got back together, since we got along so well when i crashed my car in front of her house. soon though, i figured out that i wasn’t the dad, and began to have issues. I moved to Ohio with my sister and her family…i’m now 19, and found a job at a gas station by the highway. I moved, got a couple different jobs, then fell on hard times and had to move back home.

Now, before moving away, as I was working at Heck’s, i get a phone call at work…i NEVER get phone calls, so I knew something was wrong. It was my parents neighbors calling to say that dad had a heart attack and was at the hospital, and they were coming to pick me up. Dad had just finished building the new house, and they were moving in that day…mom had gone to lock up the old house for the night, and dad and his friend bob were relaxing at the kitchen table when my father just passed out. Bob figured out what was happening, and not knowing what to do, punched him in the chest. The doc said that saved his life, his heart had already stopped, and that restarted it. Bob then threw dad in the truck and started driving to the hospital. On the way, they were passing my mom coming home, and she pulled over. She rode with them to the hospital, without realizing that she left her car sitting by the side of the road, running, lights on, and door hanging open. Their neighbors found the car that way, immediately called the hospital to see if they were there and then called me and picked me up. Not long after that, I moved to my sisters. Then back home again.

A couple weeks after moving back home, my dad’s secretary calls the house and says that dad’s on his way home (in the middle of the day). Dad never, ever misses work. So I knew something was up. I asked Kim why….and she said that dad was working on a hillside and passed out. Ok. I called mom at work and told her, and she said she’d be right home. I was hanging up the phone with mom when dad pulled in the driveway. I said Hi! You’re home early! how funny, I just talked to mom, and she’s on her way home too, she got off early! and he said, So Kim called you, even after i told her not to, huh? And he went and got in the shower. Mom got home, figured out what was going on, and drove him to the hospital. Yes, he had another heart attack.

This time was worse, and he had a pacemaker put in. I stuck around until dad was better, and then a friend that i worked with in Ohio called me. She was now a manager in her own store, and she wanted to come and pick me up, take me to ohio to work for her. I’d live with them and work for her, and I’d be in akron ohio.

Working at yet another gas station. yay. LOL. As I worked there, I had regular customers. Dave came in every morning and got orange juice. He came in every evening with his wife Gloria and played the lottery. After awhile, they came in with their daughter Diana. We hit it off right away. We started dating. They let me move in. I was nearly 20, she was 17. He got me a maintenance job at the Akron Jewish Center, and he was my boss. He took a night job cleaning office buildings in the evenings. He got me a job working under him there as well. I was a supervisor. I got engaged to Diana, though we fought often. Her father found out we were having sex and went ballistic. He practically disappeared for a weekend. We were ok after that, but I moved out anyway. Diana’s grandmother passed soon after, and her parents asked me to go with them to the house to secure it, and stuff. Diana had spent the weekend with her cousin, and every time she did, she came back with a massive attitude, and we fought again in her deceased grandmothers kitchen, in front of her mom while her dad was downstairs. I told Di about her attitude, and about where I thought she got it, and she got pissed off, turned around and grabbed a knife off the kitchen counter and proceeded to threaten me with it. I was fucking irate….i was NOT backing down, and I took a step forward…her mother grabbed me from behind, knowing that if I got to Di, I was going to shove that knife down her throat. No one threated me like that, not after what I put up with in high school. Never again. Her father appeared out of nowhere, and literally “flicked” Di into the living room, where she proceeded to try to cut him….he finally got the knife away, and somewhat calmed her down. I left. Soon after, I went to their house to break up with her. It was not pretty, not one bit.

By now, I was living in a small apartment in akron, near barberton. I decided to quit my jobs, because Diana would often accompany her father to work and help out. He said I didn’t have to, but I didn’t feel right working for my exes father, and running into her at work occasionally. I should not have quit, that was one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. Oh well, hindsight.

So there, i have filled in about my high school and -between years, and I have caught up to where I left off in the Chapter 1…:) Hope you enjoy, and more to come.

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