Archive for the ‘personal history’ Category

You are, and always have been, my Lighthouse. The light from your soul keeps me from crashing onto the rocks. You save me, and get me safely through every storm. 

image

I had a dream tonight. I was holding my exboyfriend, at his work…sorta. I was so happy that my brain didn’t pick up that it was just a dream. I did not realize I missed him so much.

It’s been 15 years since we “dated”. And we completely lost contact over 6 years ago, when I moved to Charleston. We were friends through all these years, or so I thought. Obviously our friendship meant more to me than to him since he was given my number months ago and has not bothered himself to call.

Sometimes I truly think that Love is overrated, and that most humans would be better off without it messing up their brains and their lives. I’ve always loved him. And I always will. Seems like I will be missing him for the rest of my days, as few or as many as they may be.

Advertisements

I know I’ve been a bit lax on posting…the story about Peron on my last “beginning” chapter took alot out of me…I’ll try to do better! 🙂

We left off after Peron’s funeral and my coming out to my parents. A wonderful place to pick up the story, i guess.

Living at Gina’s house was interesting to say the least. It was always an adventure! There was always something going on there, with her 4 kids at the time, and 2 ex-husbands….one of which we all despised, and one that was a high school chum of mine, but we started drifting. I was heavily drinking, and my friend Billy was meeting me at the bar most nights, and we shot pool constantly at the bar. I hung out at Club 358 then, and the owner Bob Fox was a great guy.

I ended up moving in with Harley and Michael for awhile (Micheal being my first man to have sex with way back), and things were ok. We all tended to drink quite a bit, and I got to be quite good friends with Harley. When I first met Harley a few years back, Michael was telling me things like “Harley sits in the bathroom talking to me when I’m in the tub, and it’s weird” not wanting me to know that they were dating. But by the time I moved in, I knew that they had been together for a couple years at that point.

I ended up being court-ordered to AA for my DUI when my truck got rolled, and that’s how I met a good friend (I’ll call her *Denise, since AA is anonymous). I was sponsored by a gay guy named *Jason at first, and went to gay meetings. It turned out that we began having feelings for each other, and I needed to switch sponsors, so I ended up with Denise as a sponsor. She let me move in with her to make it easier to get to meetings and work, and also to not be living with Harley and Michael with them drinking constantly. My life changed drastically for a year….I met *Brent, who got sober about the same time I did, whom Denise also sponsored. I really fell for Brent, and he was a great friend. We hung out all the time. I was dating a drag queen named Jose then, and like him alot, but things got crazy. Things were going well with AA and Brent and I started hanging out at the bar. It didn’t take long for Brent and I to start drinking again, and things went from ok to bad quickly. Brent and I had too much to drink one night, and ended up at Harley and Michaels house. We slept on the living room floor together. We started to mess around some, and then Brent passed out. I woke up the next morning feeling terribly guilty, even though almost nothing happened, having almost cheated on Jose.

I went to jose’s house that day. He was getting ready for a drag show, and started telling me that he wasn’t sure, after 3 months, if we could date because I drank. I told him that just because his father was a bad drunk and hit him doesn’t mean that everyone does that. “Have I ever even raised my voice to you when I’ve been drinking?” “No.” Mind you, jose drank as well. I just told him “I’m gonna go. When you figure out whether you can handle this relationship, you call me and let me know.” Most of that was the guilt from the night before with Brent, but I was truly offended by his offhand remarks about my drinking as well. I’m a very happy drunk, and I have NEVER hit someone I was dating. So that was the end of jose, and the friendship with brent lasted only a few months more, with nothing ever happening again with him.

Somewhere through here, I also dated another drag queen named Kristen. I was introduced to Jerry as a boy, and that was almost the last time i ever saw him out of drag. I don’t really find drag attractive, so I was put off a bit….at least jose only did it for shows and stuff….kristen lived as a woman and wanted to have a sex-change. We broke up after a couple of months, and she became a true slut, giving $5 blowjobs in the parking lot at the bar. A sad thing….

Well, now Im back to drinking heavily, and I moved in with a friend Brian and his mother. I still hung out at Harley’s, and Harley and I went to a hotel in Hudson to apply at a restaurant there. Sitting down to fill out the application, the manager comes up to talk to us, and it turns out it’s Dan, a friend that I worked with at the Loyal Oake way back….he hired both of us immediately. I had no car, but worked it out that Harley and I could work the same shifts together, so I had a ride. When it came down to the point where Harley quit, the hotel manager gave me a room at the hotel to stay at, and I moved into the hotel. There was an entire wing that was closed to the public, and several staff members stayed in the rooms there. It was great! I had keys, and the new manager (Dan ended up quitting) would call me at 5 or 6 am and say “there’s a party in the banquet room that needs setup for breakfast. Go unlock it and start setting it up, and I’ll be in shortly, i’m running a bit late”. So I put in lots of hours.

I ran into an issue with the exec chef there, as it was really dead one day, and I was playing the game at the bar. The barmaid was sitting there reading the paper. The exec chef tried to fire me, and not do anything to the girl sitting there with me. I called the hotel manager (whom I had become friends with), and he trained me at the front desk, and had me doing maintenance stuff for the hotel. I had a blast! We even went on the roof and watched the fireworks on the 4th of July! It was great!

It ended up that the hotel wasn’t doing well. I had also met Cowboy during this time, and his friend Jacqui. So when the bank finally gave up on trying to make the hotel work, they closed it. I ended up moving to cleveland with jacqui (big mistake, as she turned out to be a lying two-faced cunt!). I got the best job I’ve ever had at that time, at Ciao! Cucina in Playhouse Square in downtown Cleveland.

Within 2 months, I had had enough of the thievery of my roommate, and moved in with David and Petey who managed and worked at Ciao! David was promptly fired for mismanagement, and the restaurant service quickly went downhill. However, I was moved up into the private club upstairs for the high-end donors of Playhouse Square. I made $11/hour plus and automatic 20% on everything i rang up….i had my own full bar, and a small dining room, and I was the only one who worked the club along with the concierge.

I organized the club, the bar, how the patrons were treated, I had credit cards on file so that they didn’t have to worry about paying before they went to the show. I started a catalog of regular members, and what they drank, etc to make sure that when they made reservations, we had what they needed.

The club was on the 2nd floor, and the kitchen and restaurant were on the 1st floor. I put in the order upstairs, waited awhile, and went and checked on it downstairs. On the weekends, they had foodrunners that brought me the food. The kitchen was supposed to immediately put my orders to the front, because of the status of the patrons.

David was a diganosed bi-polar individual, and beat up on Petey on a regular basis. I stuck up for him once while living there, and they made up the next day making me the bad guy. I didn’t do it again, even when Pete was screaming for help. He put himself back into a violent situation, and I was not going through that twice. I ended up moving, and staying with Randall, a friend from work. Great place, great friend, and we had some GREAT times! He’s still one of my dearest friends….

Working in the club The show started at 7:30 on this particular night, and by 7:10, my guests had not gotten their food. I went downstairs to find out what the hell the holdup was, and it was another 20 minutes for the food. Somehow, I got blamed because the chef didn’t pull the order to the front. NOT my fault! HE didn’t do HIS job! But I got in trouble. I was placed back downstairs in the restaurant.

Our friend Jed had been made the lunch manager. She was a country-hick girl, and we got along great, until she made manager. All of a sudden we couldn’t BE friends because she got promoted. I was scheduled as a bartender one lunch, and she asked me to get a take-out order while i was trying to get ready to open. I asked her if she could do it as I had a lot to do to open, and she said “it’s the BARTENDERS job to do takeout orders! Now go take the order!” So I did. The very next day, I was scheduled on the floor, and Jed was the day bartender. She was upstairs, answered the phone, and sent another server downstairs to tell me to take a takeout order. SHE was doing nothing, the server she sent down was doing nothing, and she wanted me to stop getting ready to open to take an order. I sent the girl back upstairs and said “Tell Jed it’s the BARTENDER’S job to take take0ut orders! I’m busy!” Needless to say, Jed wrote me up (only my 2nd in over 2 years), and 3 days later, fired me for the same offense. WTF?!

So this is how I ended up working at the Great Lakes Science Center doing Catering. I met Nancy there, and Donna, the manager, loved me to death. I was made Banquet Captain almost immediately. She made me a deal….if I did the scheduling for her for the servers and bartenders, she’d pay my cell phone bill since it required calling staff constantly to find out availability and to let them know their shifts. I ran up a $1200 cell phone bill in 3 months. She ended up getting fired, and the new manager Julius refused to pay for the phone bill. Again, WTF?! We argued about things constantly, Julius was very overbearing and controlling. I did not get my raise I was due, and he did not acknowledge my Captain status. At that point, I was done. He scheduled me alone to open and setup a breakfast deal…at which time I had talked to a good friend Uncle Kenny and he wanted me to come work for him doing construction on a new bar. So I wrote up my resignation, and sent it in that day with Nancy. Mind you, I was supposed to do the setup at 6 am, and nancy didn’t go to work until 9…so he never even knew I was quitting until 9 am. I am NOT the one to fuck with!

So I started working with Uncle Kenny on building the new Grid Nightclub, a fantastic gay club! A fantastic job! Took a little over a year, and we also did some small jobs at the Nature Center in Bay Village, building cages for their new exhibits of animals. Bay Village is where we happened to be when 9/11 happened. We worked the Nature Center during the day, and then worked on the tear-out of the Grid in the evenings. We were at the Nature Center when the staff came out and told us about 9/11 as it was in progress, and we went inside and watched. The Grid was in downtown Cleveland, so we didn’t even know if we’d be able to work there that night, until we went there later. Downtown was deserted, absolutely desolate. Listening to the radio, they were talking about the middle-eastern doctors at the Cleveland Clinic applauding when the towers fell….we resisted, but we SOOOOO wanted to go down there and kick their fucking asses. It was just appalling. The fact that we trusted them to take care of our sick family members, and they applauded when thousands of  people died, including rescuers working in the medical field that they are supposed to be part of!! Highly offended!

It took us over a year to finish the new Grid, and it was GORGEOUS! A huge dance club, known worldwide…many people traveled from Europe just to see it….a great place! I ended up bar-backing for 3 months after they opened, and then I was offered a job at MJ’s Place to manage the bar. MJ’s was a small neighborhood gay bar. I grabbed it! I worked at MJ’s for a year bartending, managing, and even cleaning the bar. I had even set up a benefit for the Prysm group, a gay youth group, and the chinese auction that I arranged made $500 to send the kids to a special Tolerance Camp.

By this time, I was living with my friend Steve in Garfield Heights, and we got along great! I spent several years as housemates with steve. I moved out to live with my friend Nancy and then Willy for a short time, but ended up back at steve’s.

This is a good place to stop for the current post. Working at MJ’s, I met J.J., and that is a long long story in and of itself, so I’ll stop here, and continue with J.J. on the nest post. Thank you for reading my blog!! Have a wonderful day!!!!

scottie

I’m sorry, it seems to me that sometimes my timeframes are a little confused. I’ll need to backtrack often to fill in bits and pieces that I forgot. This is one of those posts.

I did happen to accidentally overlook two important parts…before my truck accident, for about 4 or 5 months. I had gotten to know the neighbor who lived right next door. His name was Peron. I still miss him terribly to this day. I was young and stupid, and made my mistakes as usual. And I came out to my parents during this time as well. Here is a bit of fill-in on a couple very important parts.

I was living with Gina, in North Hill in Akron, OH. There was a man next door named Peron. We started talking, and this is our story. There are times when I’m just walking through a crowd, and I smell Patchouli cologne. That is what Peron wore, and it will still bring a tear to my eye. Here is why:

Having gotten to know Peron a little, there seemed to be a mutual interest. He was African, literally from Africa-his Mom still lived there. We got quite close as time went on. As we were getting closer, my parents came up to visit my sister, and I drove over to see them. I was nervous, because I planned to come out to my Mom while she was there. I had to work that afternoon, and I ended up putting off talking to her until I had to get ready for work. Ten minutes before I had to leave, I finally got my courage up, and asked Mom to talk in my sister’s bedroom. I was dressed for work, and had to leave soon, and I never asked to speak to her alone, so she knew it was something important.

I basically hemmed and hawed and said I didn’t know how to really say this….and she said ” I know, and so does your father. We’ve known for years, and we still love you, no matter what.” Being raised Catholic, I had truly thought things would get rough. And it turns out that I didn’t even have to say it out loud. I was in shock, and I asked her that why, if she knew, she never told ME so that I wasn’t dying inside thinking that I might be disowned from my family that meant everything to me. She just said that she’s my mother, and it wouldn’t matter what I did or who I was, that she would always love me. I told her I had to go to work, and ran out the door, trying to keep from crying. I made it to the truck before I broke down, and I cried the entire trip to work, which was about 40 minutes away. I had to force myself to calm down, and concentrate on my work. I was a server in a restaurant, and my boss knew immediately that something was going on. She asked me, and I told her what had happened. She just smiled, and said it’s ok, take a few minutes, pull yourself together, go grab a cigarette, and come back when you have yourself together.

Now while this was going on, I was also growing closer to Peron. I spent some nights with him, and he talked to me about being exclusive. I was a little surprised, but having only had 1 boyfriend before him, I didn’t really know how to react. I pushed him away, and I talked to him about how my father was a bigot that didn’t like black people, and that it was going to be extremely hard for me to take a man home for the first time to meet my parents, let alone with that man being black. I didn’t want to put him OR me through that. I broke up with him.

This was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and I still feel that if I had chosen a different path, it would not have cost Peron his life.

We were still good friends and hung out. A couple months later, Peron decided that he was moving to Florida, and gave himself a going-away party at the local gay club with some of his friends. I was invited, and I went to the club that night. He seemed to have a blast, and his friends were great! It was a good time. Little did I know what the future held…..

Six months later, another neighbor that worked in a hospice was talking to Gina about one of her patients. She had moved ina few doors down after Peron had moved away, so she didn’t know him. Gina got the impression that the man in the hospice that was dying from AIDS was Peron. She talked to me about it after work one night. I denied it. There was NO way it was Peron. He was in Florida! I thought she had lost her mind.

This went on for a couple of weeks. During this time is when I rolled my truck, so I had to walk to work, or take the  bus. I usually just walked.

Gina finally took it upon herself to go to the hospice and see if it really was Peron. She was convinced it was. She called me at work one evening, and told me to please come straight home after work so she could talk to me, because I had a habit of going to the bar most nights. She had not told me of her plan of going to the hospice.

I went straight home after work, and she told me what she had done. It WAS Peron. She said I should go visit him, because he didn’t have long left. He was dying. I freaked, and I could not bring myself to go see him. We figured out that the going-away party was not for him to go to Florida, but for him to get away from his friends so that they didn’t watch him die. I was devastated.

Three days later, Gina called me at work again and asked that I come straight home from work. I was upset, and had a feeling what she was going to tell me. When I got home, she sat me down and told me that Peron was in the hospital, and he would probably never leave it. His time was close, and I needed to go see him if I ever wanted to see him again. I had a very difficult time of it, but I had to walk past that very hospital on my way to work every day. I decided to stop in and see him. I was extremely nervous…almost to the point of being sick.

I went in, went to the nurse’s station on that floor and asked for his room. She pointed out the room, and told me to go ahead in. I stood outside the door for a minute, then knocked lightly and went in.

I still cry to this day when I think about my reaction. I walked in and saw someone laying in a bed. That person was so skinny that his bones protruded. There was nothing left, just skin and bones. I didn’t even recognize him. But I knew I was in the right room, and I knew that this was Peron. Dying. He looked at me. He couldn’t even speak at this point, he just looked at me. My eyes started to fill with tears and I panicked. I walked over to the bed, kissed his forehead and said “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I can’t do this. I am SO sorry Peron.” And I left. Nothing else said, nothing. I had been in the room a total of about a minute and a half.  Again, I cried all the way to work. I was a wreck and couldn’t work. I tried. But my boss understood, and sent me home. I went to the bar instead, and got utterly blasted. Crying most of the night, drinking until I couldn’t see anymore. I sat alone, and ignored all my friends there. They knew to leave me alone.

Peron died 3 days later.

I was compeletly lost. I knew I didn’t handle things well with him, and I felt guilty for not being there for him, guilty that if I had stayed with him that he wouldn’t have contracted AIDS in the first place, guilty that I had cared so much for him and let him down with no way to ever make it up to him. This began an even MORE alcohol-ridden existence. I was already drinking heavily, but now I was getting trashed every night. Gina and I went to the funeral, which took weeks to get together because of Peron’s mother having to get Visa’s together to leave Africa to come to the U.S. for the funeral. Gina and I went through the line to show our respects after the service, and I hugged his mother. I was speechless, and I couldn’t say anything. She didn’t even know he was gay when Peron and I were seeing each other, so I had no idea if she even knew who I was, but it didn’t matter. She just hugged me back, and we left. And I, of course, went to the bar.

Everyone tells me not to feel guilty. But I do. I know that if Peron had been positive when we dated, that I would no doubt be positive. It took me over a year to get the balls up to go get tested. I was negative, and at that point I fell apart again, knowing that he was negative when we were seeing each other, and that if we had stayed together he would still be here.  And all because I was afraid of taking a black man home to my father. I truly cared about Peron, and I had let him down so massively that I couldn’t get over it. And still to this day, haven’t gotten over it to some degree.

My father never liked any single person I had ever dated. Not one. Nothing I did was good enough, but at the same time, no one I ever dated was good enough for me, according to him. I never understood it, and still don’t, and doubt that I ever will. And I doubt that he will ever like anyone I ever date in the future. But that’s just a part of my life that I have to deal with.

My father so disliked Red when I dated her, that she hugged him at my grandfather’s funeral in ’95, and he went to my mom and told her to let me know that Red is NEVER to touch him again. Try explaining that to someone that you care about…”my father doesn’t want you to ever touch him again, not even to show support at a funeral.” This was the beginning of a short rift in the family with me. Everyone just says “that’s dad” and I was having none of it. We had never gotten along well, but that very moment when mom told me that, i had to pull away from him. We had never been close, and the distance I put between us then stays there to this day. We are civil to each other, but that’s about it. There was a time that, along with my guilt over Peron, that I blamed my father as well, but I realized that I was just being stupid. It was MY fault for being afraid of rocking the boat.

I will never forget Peron, and I will probably never forgive myself for what happened. I have moved on  with my life, but I still think that this plays a part in my relationships with everyone I go out with. I have trouble getting close to people, or I go to the complete other extreme and fall for them completely.  I don’t think I’ve had a healthy relationship since. And I’m not sure how to fix it. But again, that’s life I guess.

Well, another chapter of my life, so those of you wanting to know about me, this is my story. It continues, and there are many more chapters to come. It’s very hard for me to write about these things, but I think I have to. It’s only a little about sharing my life story with my friends, it’s more about purging my own soul in some way. But I’m glad that some of my friends are interested enough to visit this blog and learn about what makes me Scottie. There are only 2 or 3 people on the planet that know all of my history, the rest just know bits and pieces. So this blog fills in some gaps that even my closest friends and family had no clue about. With the end of Chapter 5, we are still in 1996, and  things are rough. Still another 15 years to go, and they are longer stories because I remember more details, so keep up if you want. Tons coming, a chapter at a time.  And you are welcome to comment or ask questions about any of my posts. Thank you all, for reading this, for being there all these years, for just being you. I do appreciate all of you! Love you all!

scottie

 

 

 

I don’t really understand how my life takes such turns. I’m confused, a little drunk, and a bit off-balance. For those that know me, you will probably guess who I’m talking about in this blog, but shit happens. I don’t understand either.

I had a good friend once. Very dear to my heart, though he never knew it until almost 3 years ago. He’s now dating another very good friend. This initial good friend (we shall call him imp) has been a friend on and off since ’98. It was one of those things where we immediately grew close, and became very good friends. We’ve had our ups and downs, not speaking many times, once for as long as a year and a half (before this last time, i’ll explain shortly).  He was always into twinks, of which I have never been, so I kept my mouth shut. We had occasional trysts, always, to my knowledge, unfeeling, unemotional and unfulfilling. We both dated others, and in the process I fell in love with someone I could never have emotionally. Though in denial for 1 1/2 years, the end result came about of course, and I ended up moving out of the state.

Before I left, I went to Imps house (we spent many weekends drinking and partying together), to say goodbye to him and all my friends in Ohio. We had a frank discussion, saying things that we both never realized in the other. But I was leaving. Neither of us ever guessed that there might have been a chance for us…and according to this discussion, there was…but again, i was leaving. No harm  in admitting to someone moving 700 miles away that there were feelings that we both hid for 10 years, eh?

We kept in touch while I was away (I’m still away, please don’t think otherwise LOL), and in time we decided that he should move down here with me. This was very nearly a year after I had moved away. I live in the south now, and the draw of the sun and the beach was very appealing I guess. So he moved here with me, away from his family and friends, something he’d never done before in his life.

There is a point that I understand the panic that he must have felt, though I truly wish he had talked to me about it. He stayed 6 days. I was driving his car mostly, because he was uncomfortable with not knowing where things were, and didn’t want to venture out on his own, and I didn’t have a car at the time (his was a classic car, a very beautiful Monte).  I kept trying to get him to explore on his own, while I was at work so he wasn’t sitting at home bored to death. Instead, he had me take his car to work instead of the bus, and he worked on things at the house that needed some work. I truly appreciated both sentiments, that of letting me drive his “baby” and him taking the time and effort to do things to the house to make it better for us. And I told him every day when I got home from work that I appreciated what he had done that day, and it was wonderful to have him back in my life so closely. I was figuring that with our talk before I left Ohio, that he would understand that I wanted more….but I wanted to give him time to get used to the atmosphere before I brought it up. I was a manager of a restaurant then, and I worked tons of hours…I was off on Monday, and was expecting a big bonus soon from working tons extra while the owners were away on their honeymoon….but things didn’t work out the way that I planned.

Since I had been telling him to explore more on his own while I was at work, he took me up on it on Sunday….I was off on Monday, and on Sundays I worked a triple shift, breakfast, lunch and dinner, as manager and server. He took me to work and dropped me off, and said that he’d pick me up afterwards. I was very busy, as usual for a sunday, and when I got off work, I thought he would be there, I had already told him before what time to pick me up. He wasn’t there, so I waited outside, and the kitchen boys waited with me. He didn’t answer his cell, and didn’t show up, so after awhile, the kitchen boys offered to take me home.

I got out of there car, and knew something wasn’t right, because Imp’s car was gone. They stuck around for a minute, and when I went inside, all of Imp’s stuff was gone. I was shocked. Six days…a note that basically said nothing, and a TV that he couldn’t lift by himself to put in the car. I freaked. I told the kitchen boys to leave. I was distraught, and they didn’t want to, but I made them. Sitting alone in a house that I had planned on sharing, depressed as only I can be, I began to think of what an idiot I was that I had planned on taking him to the beach the next day and walking along the water and discussing where I thought that maybe our relationship might go, since we had had a conversation about our feelings for each other before I left, and I thought that might be why he moved South with me…obviously not.

I was told by mutual friends that he was telling people that it was like living in a college dorm where you had to write your name on food that you bought. Spending money on things that pertained to the house, he ran out of money too soon, and panicked. (that was what i tried to convince myself, anyway). I could take care of us at that point, my boss would give me anything I asked, and he would have given me more hours if I had needed, though I was already working 60 hours a week.

I have to explain why he thought that about the food….I moved here with one of my oldest friends Gina, and when I moved here, they supported me for months while I worked at finding a job, and doing what needed done. We worked together to make it work, because we are the only people we have to depend on here. We were all away from our families in Ohio, and that was what we did. When I moved out, we would trade whatever was needed…if she needed food this week, I would tell her to come and raid my cupboards, and vice-versa. So in the 6 days that Imp was here, it was time for her to need food, which I gave her. Apparently, that didn’t sit well with him, and that’s the reason he gave everyone for leaving SC and going back north.

He started dating my friend (we shall call him Lex). It was a very difficult situation, talking to Lex and not to Imp, causing some awkwardness. A few months ago, I got an email from Imp saying that if he had not left, he would have died because he would not have gotten the proper health care needed to find out that he was diabetic. I sent one back, saying that I cared about him, and that if he had gotten sick here, did he really think that I wouldn’t have found a way to take care of it?? He wanted to patch things up, but was forceful about me needing to forgive him for leaving the way he did. I told him that I was done, we had had too many problems in our past, and that I couldn’t trust him again, and I forgive but never forget. I did not want to give him the knife back that I took out of my back so that he could stab me again someday…..

Tonight, as I’m talking to Lex online, with Imp there, he says that Imp says Hi. Ok, I can be civil, so I say Hi back. Suddenly, Imp has friend-requested me…ok, I can be civil. Approved. I had bought some beer tonight, so I had just started drinking. So now, according to our past, we are going to do Tele-shots. (You phone someone far away, and do shots together over the phone). Something we had done for years when I lived up north. So now he’s on the phone, and Lex is in the background, knowing some of our past but not all. It becomes like every other time that we’ve disagreed and not spoken….like nothing had ever happened. The problems ignored.

I’m really curious why he would even want to talk to me after that last email that I told him that I didn’t want him in my life anymore because I couldn’t trust him. I’m still confused. I don’t get it. Yes, I miss him terribly, but I made a decision awhile back, and made him aware of it, that I couldn’t do that anymore. Now, it seems that things are just back to “normal” and I have issues with this. Yet I don’t want to be an ass…I’m confused and half-drunk, and I just don’t understand the reasoning. They want to come and visit me in the fall….how the fuck do I deal with this?? For years, Imp was at family functions with me, whether it be reunions, christmas, birthdays, weddings, funerals….everyone knows what happened, how hurt I was….how do I deal with this?? I’m not sure I want him in my life (I do, and I don’t), let alone telling those that truly care about me that he’s back….and with Lex. Ironically, for the years that Imp and I were friends, on and off,  both of our mothers thought that we should be, or were, dating….LOL

As much as I miss him, I’m not sure I can deal with the past, all those times we parted ways, just to renew our friendship like nothing ever happened. I’m not sure I can go through this again….and I know it will be again, it always is….

——-> I wrote this post last night while I was drunk, after talking to “imp” for an hour and a half on the phone. I wanted to look at it sober, so I saved it to drafts, and took a look at it today. I’m ok with it (sometimes I tend to ramble when I drink, so I wanted to be sure before I actually posted it. LOL)

This is a very hard time for me, when he does this. As I said, he’s done this before-several times. So any comments would be appreciated. Thank you!

Time to return to the past….

Let’s see…I was working at the Loyal Oak Taverne in Norton, OH at the end of my last quest for the past. I had gotten 2 DUIs in 6 months, had my first experience with a guy (whom i really cared about at the time), and was living with a great friend named Pam and her 2 kids who were also truly great!

After my 2nd DUI, i was put on house arrest for 30 days. Ankle bracelets SUCK, btw. It really wasn’t that difficult though. I could sit on my front porch and my neighbor would bring me beer. LOL. My bosses also liked me alot, they would let me stay on the clock and go out, and clock out when I was on my way home…do you know what strange looks you get when you are in a bar with an ankle bracelet on?? HAHAHA! Nothing really to talk about during that time, but I was quite lonely. My friends didn’t come to see me, and I couldn’t go to them. Oh well, some of them, i should have realized then weren’t actually friends, but my dumbass took several more years to figure that out…

I do remember after that, the neighbors house burned down. I slept through most of it, but when i got up, there were police and firemen everywhere. I didn’t find out what had happened until i saw the body bag come out later….his wife had died in the fire, she wouldn’t jump out of the 2nd floor window, even with guys below to try to catch her. She curled up under that window and burned to death. It was very hard, thinking about that, and looking at that house every day, knowing how she died. I think this is where my paranoia about housefires came from….I’m terrified that my house will catch on fire while i’m not home and kill my dog, or in the middle of the night. I’m always shutting stuff off now….it drives my current roommate nuts sometimes. LOL

I eventually got fired from the Loyal Oak…due to the fact that this bitch that i didn’t get along with got me fired. I had missed an employee meeting, and it wasn’t noticed until she complained to the owners about it. They really didn’t care, but since her friend had been fired for this, they had to let me go. Mark pulled me into the office and apologized profusely, not wanting to do it, but he had to and I understood.

I got a job at Starcher’s, the local pool hall. they had 20 pro tables, and help televised pro tounaments a couple times a year. I loved that job! I got free table time anytime I wasn’t working, and I took advantage of that to become a rather good pool player. I stopped playing for a couple years much later, and lost that, but I was going to start entering amateur tounaments then.

I was dating a girl named Alison at this point. A psycho, i should have realized, but hindsight is 20/20. She had 4? kids i think…only 1 in her custody. Gina had decided that her and her Mom were moving to Asheville, NC, and Alison decided that her and sean were going too. I would move down later. I drove with them from Ohio to Grafton, WV-my hometown, and the next day we were going to part and I was going to go home while they went on to NC. Somehow that night, Alison and Gina prodded me to move with them the next day, so I just didn’t go back to ohio, and onward to NC we all went.

So, I’m now living in NC, with a whole group of people-Louise (gina’s mom) and her girlfriend Red, Gina and Chuck, Me, alison and sean, and Red’s 2 other sons Roy and Will. Red managed a Pizza Hut, so she got me a serving job there (my first step up to server! woohoo!). We soon had some issues with the general manager, and Red and I both quit over principles. We moved several times and I’m not sure the exact sequence (we moved 12 times in 2 years…UGH!). We were living in a trailer park, Red and Louise and Red’s boys in one, and gina, chuck, alison, sean and me in another just down the street. Gina and Chuck broke up at the same time as Red and Louise, and they went home to Ohio. I was working 3rd shift at a CD/Tape packaging plant (HATED IT!)

There was a point that I broke up with Alison. Before we had come down to NC, I had come out to Gina, Alison, and Chuck Wolfe as bi, so they knew. Red and her whole family knew as well. Chuck Taylor and Alison and I were sitting on my bed one evening, and the conversation turned a bit…shall we say naughty….and a bet was the outcome. Chuck and I told Alison that she would chicken out in a threesome with us…needless to say, she didn’t chicken out. I think that was only so she could be with me again, since this was after our breakup. They both knew about me, and the rule was no male/male touching. This made it not much fun when he was so paranoid about even rubbing shoulders as we changed positions, but it was ok.

Within a week of our little tryst, i started dating Red. I don’t know why, she was 18 years older than me, and it was just….crazy. But it was fun, for awhile. LOL. Alison flipped her lid when that happened, and called her parents and told them to send her a bus ticket home. She got impatient, and didn’t wait for the bus ticket. She went to the neighbors, told them that chuck and I were plotting to kill her, and her parents drove down and picked her up that night. Crazy bitch! For sure, if I was plotting to kill her, first off I wouldn’t include anyone else in it, and second off, she’d never see it coming!

So then chuck and i moved in with red and the boys. we moved again, and again, and again……

I was working at Ragazzi’s Italian Restaurant on Tunnel Road when things started getting a little odd….Red had been clean and sober for many many years (almost 20 if i remember correctly) and one of her boys started smoking pot. Somehow, it just came to be that we all started smoking….we would literally buy a bag every night. Our landlord at the time (a lesbian who had a crush on red) supplied us well, and easy access, she lived in the house directly behind us, sharing the same driveway. I’d smoke a joint while walking 1 mile to work, work my lunch shift, smoke a joint on the way home, then we’d sit there the rest of the evening smoking up. Looking back, it was such a waste….

Red’s mother was informed by chuck that red was smoking again, and somehow this became my fault in her eyes. red had finished beauty school and was working in a salon. She was at work when her mom called me at home. She was screaming at me that i was worthless and that i had gotten her daughter back on drugs (she had done some very heavy drugs before-her rehab was very difficult for everyone). I ended up losing my temper and punching an oak doorframe while screaming at her mom. I broke my hand (a boxer’s break), but was so angry that I just put the bones back in place and kept arguing with Skip (her mom). She finally hung up. Later when red came home, things calmed down some, but we travelled to florida a couple times to see Skip and this was NOT comfortable.

Ragazzi’s was not going to let me work in my 1/2cast on my hand, until I proved to them that I could do it. They accepted the fact that it was ok, and i continued working with a broken hand. My career there as a server was short-lived, but i don’t really remember why….

I got a job at the Biltmore Dairy Bar…a HUGE place, serving lunch and dinner, mostly burgers and stuff…and 55 kinds of ice cream. 🙂 I worked my ass off there. My manager appreciated me TONS…I actually cussed out a guest in the middle of the dining room, and because I was right, I had no repercussions. That woman that i cussed out was a bitch!!! My manager just sent me out for a cig to calm down, and said that she’d take care of it.

It eventually came winter, and in April ’95 Red and I went to florida again. red’s youngest son was hit 8 years before by a Domino’s Pizza truck while playing in his front yard and had brain damage. He had to start his learning all over, at 8 years old…so at 16, he was an 8 year old with an impulse control problem (and he was bigger than me! Big kid with a bad temper….). Three times in the 2 years I was there we had to hold him down and have the cops take him away and institutionalize him. Very sad thing. Will was a very sweet boy when he wasn’t angry.

So the trip to florida was basically to settle the attorney’s stuff about will’s Settlement for his accident. It took them 8 years to do this….ugh. While in florida at skips house, we argued. we fought alot. Skip fought with me alot. It was the slow season for the restaurant, so I was only missing 12 hours on my schedule for the week i was there. I was only scheduled 12 hours the next week. Very slow that time of year. Red and Skip decided that I should go home to work and “support the family” while red stayed and dealt with other stuff. It cost more to send me home than i made that week, but oh well. I didn’t want to go, and felt that it was ridiculous. They put me on a bus for 27 hours anyways.

I got home, and started packing. Got all my stuff together, took some stuff over to a friends to keep for me (which i never did get to go back for), and had her watch red’s dog. My parents drove down and picked me up that weekend. I didn’t talk to red much that week, she just didn’t call. My dad drove straight through, up and back. We stopped at Hawk’s Nest State Park on the way home (finding out later the stop was because dad was having chest pain and needed to rest abit).

When we got home, dad said he was getting a shower and that mom should call an ambulance. WTF?! huh??? Dad had his third heart attack. While driving Mom to NC to pick me up. Christ, what a fucked-up mess. I called red a day later, having gone home alone to my parents house, taking a break from the hospital. I called red in florida. She asked me how her dog was, and i said “i don’t know. I’m not there.”….”where are you?”….”I’m at my parents.”….”You lying motherfucker! I’m gonna….blah blah blah….”

When mom and I got home in the evenings from being with dad at the hospital every day, there were messages from Red to my mom….Rhoda call me, we need to talk….I knew she was going to try to OUT me, so I went home for lunch the following day alone, leaving mom at the hospital. I called red….I said only this: “I know what you’re trying to do. You will stop calling my house. NOW. If you even THINK about calling and talking to my parents or family again, I will drive down there and kill you. Do you understand?? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!” She hung up. She never called again.

I stayed long enough to get dad back on his feet, taking care of the house and the yard and all the stuff that dad does, until he could do it again and get back to work. Then I moved back to Ohio with a friend of mine, Billy, who I had met working at the Loyal Oak. We were real good friends, and I moved in with him, his g/f Paula and their son William. It was strange to say the least.

He got me a job with him on the floor care company for SuperKMart. I am now 25, living in Barberton, OH, and coming to realize that I’m not bi, i’m gay, and I’m tired of hiding it. I didn’t have a car at the time, and billy had the night off but was dropping me off at work. While he’s driving, I told him. I came out to one of my best friends at the time, while he’s driving. I worked with him, lived with him and his family, and he didn’t say another word during the trip. Nothing. He turned up the radio, dropped me off, and went home.

He picked me up in the morning, and we talked a little bit. He was ok with it, just shocked. He said he told Paula when he got home last night, and she (still to this day) denies that I’m gy. “He can’t be. He’s not like that.” It never affected our friendship  between paula and i, and it didn’t affect billy and I for another 10 or 12 years….but that story is later.

I ended up bouncing around for a bit. I lived with Gina and chuck wolfe for a bit (chuck wolfe married gina when she came back from NC). I moved in with Harley and Mike (Mike being my first, remember? the one i was infatuated with?). Stayed with them for quite awhile, but things got a little odd. That story will be a post all by itself someday…Harley and I became best friends at some point during this time. When he and Mike broke up, Harley would ask me to sleep with him to calm him down. Not sex, just sleep and hold him. He was emotionally destroyed for awhile, they had been together for 5 years. I ended up moving back in with Gina and chuck at some point, and was working 3rd shift at Eat-N-Park….what a crappy job. My very first experience with a tiny bit of ?homophobia? i guess, was there with another employee. I had walked up behind one of the guys I worked with (I was out by this point, except with my family) as he was saying something about Fags…I tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned around. The color drained from his face. he was a bit of a scrawny guy…and all I said is “y’know, I would hate for you to have to go home and tell your daddy you got your ass whooped by a fag. I suggest you shut your mouth.” He apologized over and over. We were ok after that, no harm done.

I dont actually remember where i was working at the time…i switched jobs often back then. I had done some landscaping, so maybe i was working there…i don’t know. But a friend was having a birthday party at a strip club that his g/f worked at. It was right down the street from my house, so I left my truck at home and walked to the bar. I rarely smoked weed anymore, and had never drank at the same time. We had met up with this guy at the strip club, and he and I hit it off. We changed venues to another bar down the street. During our drinking, the guys decided to go out and smoke a joint…now we had been drinking very heavily, and smoking that just completely made me lose my mind. This guy and I decided that we should all go to the gay bar-a huge dance club not too far away. For some reason, I refused to go without my truck, so I ended up walking home and getting my truck. Very bad mistake…..

So this whole group of straight guys, a stripper girl, and this guy i met all went to the gay club. (this wasn’t my first time in a gay bar, but My first time in a gay bar is another story for later hehehe). This guy and I had already decided that he was going home with me before we got to the club. During our massive drinking, he had said he was going home with someone else. This is all in bits and pieces at this point, as I found out that when I mix alcohol and pot I black out and remember almost nothing but small flashes of memories. But I pieced the story together. He came back shortly and said that no, he didn’t go home with that guy, and still wanted to go home with me. I said ok. Billy had already left, being trashed as he was. I was utterly trashed, and apparently I let this guy drive my truck, heading towards my house. We stopped at a pay phone, and I called billy’s house and talked to paula. Told her i was coming over there and that i was alone (which i wasn’t….hmmm). As we drove down Howard hill, towards billy and paulas (back towards the bar we had just left), a car cut us off. I do remember that….seeing a car almost hit my side of the truck because we were in the left lane of a 4lane street, and the guy swerved into our lane. The dude driving my truck veered to the left, lost control, and flipped my truck on the hillside. I have no idea why, but that was one of the very rare occasions that i had my seat belt on. It was the night of July 3rd, and my truck is upside down in the middle of the street. I woke up, unfastened my seat belt, and started going through the grass looking for my pager and glasses. That’s when the red and blue lights showed up….I wasn’t even sure what was happening, and was completely utterly trashed. I was in and out of consciousness for awhile, and when I finally woke up, i talked to the police in the ER. The guy driving my truck was gone. He had fled before the police showed up, so I was the only one at the scene. The hospital had done xrays and cat scans….and by now it’s 8 am on July 4th….the nurse said they wouldn’t release me until i had a ride. I called everyone I knew in Akron, and couldn’t get anyone to answer the phone. I told the nurse i was leaving anyways, and finally just walked out of the ER and walked home. Damn I was sore all over!! It took me 2 hours to walk home, and I had just sat down on the front porch when Billy came screeching into the driveway. He had heard the messages i left from the hospital, and had gone there to find me. the nurse there told him that i went out for a cig and never came back. Lying bitch. ugh.

Billy took me to the store to buy smokes, and it took me 10 minutes to get out of the car, i hurt so bad. They were going to the movies, and I just told them no, i’m not getting back in that car, and I’d go some other time, and went upstairs and went to bed.

I got charged with another DUI, because it was my truck and I was the only one on the scene. Even though the doctors said i had passenger-side seat belt injuries, it didn’t matter. I got 30 days in jail, and had to go to AA for 3 months. That’s where I met Diane S., and some other friends, and I shall stop here. Sorry it was so long, but I hope it was entertaining!! Sometimes real life IS more entertaining than TV LOL 🙂 Chapter5 coming soon……

I realized after going over my last post, that I skimmed over high school and left almost everything out. Unconscious mind blockage, that is my excuse. I absolutely hated high school, and if not for my close friends at that time, i wouldn’t be here today. So thank you to those that i was close to in those years…the closest being Tara, Teresa, Dallas, Melissa,  Tammy and Beth for the girls side, and scott, todd, chuck, johnny, ed and jimmy for the guys. These are the people who had to listen to me vent and they put up with my crap on a daily basis. I’m sure there are others that I haven’t put here, but please don’t feel neglected. It’s a mind-set thing, and in my mood right now, these are the people that come to mind.

Onward! High school was hell. I had already decided that, after 5-8 grades, i hated WV and the schools and the way kids treated outsiders. And that’s what i was, an outsider. I was never accepted as “homegrown” and I never fit in. Now, I wonder if that was because i wasn’t from there, or because somehow, subconsciously, we all knew i was different because i’m gay. I will probably never know. The Island Of Misfit Toys has always been my home…:)

My memories are foggy sometimes, and I may be confused and mix up the year of certain events, but this is what i remember most from high school….hating, being hated, and hiding behind that mask i made with that big smile. I was never truly happy, but i forced myself to hide it, and to only show a smiling face to all….only a select few knew when i was upset about something, or pissed off….most just saw me smile my way through everything. That mask is what kept me from throwing myself off the dam, since that would be easiest….and the fact that i belong to the water, and i would return there. (my parents bought me SCUBA classes for my 14th birthday).  I was bullied through every year of high school…and I can’t even imagine the bullying i’d have had to deal with if i had come out then. At that time, i pretty much hated my life, every aspect of it.

Ok….freshman year, my most outstanding memory is of getting the one and only F i ever got in school…in mechanical drawing. The teacher was a moron, and expected too much work to be done without teaching anything. Out of a class of 32, only 2 people passed, and if i remember correctly, they were second-year student. I would probably have gone on to be an architect or some type of draftsman if he had not been so idiotic that it completely turned me away from drawing of any kind. i don’t remember much else about that year….

My sophomore year memory is driver’s ed….those of you remember GHS and drivers ed….a quarter doing bookwork, a quarter for study hall, a quarter for driving, and another quarter for study hall.

My junior and senior years are a blur…the dances, the hanging out, getting laid for the first time…..but my memory is so fuzzy, i remember WHO i went to the dances with (homecoming, varsity ball, prom) but not which dance i went to with whom, or which dances i didn’t attend.  Most people i know can rattle that stuff off like it was yesterday….but not me. I DO remember the Chess Club, the chess tournaments we went to…jim and brian  getting me to start smoking…but mostly i remember computer classes my senior year.

Computers…i liked them when I was a senior. I took 3 classes dealing with computers and programming, along with a night college class.  I was into it…until the end. I remember the exact moment that i started disliking it…the minute that Mrs. Decker accused me of cheating and tried to have me expelled. I remember what i did clearly, and the outcome, but it was not as she believed. Melissa always had problems in class, and i helped her all the time.  I was too busy one day to help her, so I gave her my disc and told her to look at my assignment and how I did it, so she could see what to do. Instead, she copied it, changed the name on it, and turned it in. That was not my intention at all, but the instructor believed that it was. I remember my mom going in to a meeting with the teacher and principal, and discussing it. She had Mrs. Decker in tears in that room. A month before graduation, and she was trying to get me expelled….gee, how would THAT look on my permanent record?? All i was doing was trying to help someone, not trying to cheat. Ugh. I kinda didn’t want anything to do with computers after that, as I saw it as things can be done that you can’t prove, and you can be blamed for them….along with the bad taste in my mouth from her treatment….

I did graduate, and nothing came of the allegations from Mrs. Decker….thankfully…but I had no way to actually prove what I did or didn’t do….I DID give her my disc, but NOT with the intention of her doing what she did…so did I actually cheat?? Tough question, and I’m glad that the principal sided with me…and thankfully that I had NEVER been in trouble at school, not ever. I was truly a very good boy until i turned about 20 or so….;)

A couple weeks after graduation, i did a temp job for Heck’s department store doing inventory…the WHOLE STORE inventory. Took about 2 weeks, midnight shift. They liked my work, and soon after that, offered me a job. I worked there  for 11 months….along with a job at a local full service gas station pumping gas. I also got a 3rd job at a McDonald’s in Morgantown, and I was also doing volunteer work with the Emergency Squad on the ambulances. On thursday morning, i left home to drive to McDs for work…It was chilly, but there was nothing on the roads as far as snow or ice. Or so I thought. I hit a patch of black ice on a curve, and spun my Caprice out…slamming into a rock backwards. I don’t know how long I was out, but I came to, blood on my forehead, and walked 1/4 mile to the closest house. They were up, and getting ready for church, but stayed, let me call my parents to come pick me up. I thought that since i was bleeding from my head, that i should probably go to the hospital and get checked…but dad said i was fine. Having volunteered on the ems squad for a couple years at this point, i really thought that i should go to the hospital, but dad said no, he wasn’t taking me, i was finel. I went home, and slept for 24 hours straight through. I spent a saturday night at the EMS answering the phone, and had to go to work the next morning at 6 in morgantown, so I left after getting almost no sleep, and began the drive to work, about 40 minutes away. I made it to the bottom of Hospital Hill, and that is the last thing i remember until I was crawling out of my car….I don’t remember driving up the hill (a 1-mile drive), or waving at my ex-girlfriends mother along the way…but at the top, i went through a telephone pole…snapped the pole into 4 pieces, riding one piece across a ditch and placing my car right up against a house. Not even a scratch on the house, but you couldn’t slide a piece of paper between them. As I got out of the car, there were phone lines strung over the top of my car, and i hit my head on one….realizing that one of them might be power lines, i ducked down and crawled away from the car and the lines. I happened to be right in front of my exes house, and of course she heard the accident and came outside….took me in, bandaged my knuckles (i put my hands in front of my face as I jolted forward) and called chuck, a friend of mine. He happened to be DJing at a local gospel radio station alone that day, put on a long-play record, and came to see me LOL. We also called my parents….who were getting ready for church, and my brother was visiting from Ohio. They came down…the police officer that showed up at the scene was my roommate’s ex-husband, so he called her, and she came down (in her pink bunny slippers, i might add LMAO). It was like a 3-ring fucking circus….and all my dad did was bitch because when he opened my car door, a mcdonalds bag fell out. OMG, are you fucking kidding me!?!? But in the end, i completely lucked out. I wasn’t charged with anything, and my insurance paid the TRIPLE TIME for the repair crews to come out and replace the pole. I went to the hospital, was checked out and was fine. Had a heart monitor on for a week, and that came back normal. So, good to go, right? hmmmm.

Now that my car was smashed front AND rear, it was junk. the rear end was smashed up pretty well from the rock 3 days before, and now the hood looked like a horseshoe. I had not been wearing a seatbelt, and my chest completely shoved the steering wheel INTO the dash, you couldn’t even budge it. My knees had smashed the underneath dashboard. The car was fucked. Needless to say, I couldn’t work at mcdonalds (a 40-minute drive, remember?) anymore, so had to quit. I was just working at the department store after that. dallas was pregnant, and we got back together, since we got along so well when i crashed my car in front of her house. soon though, i figured out that i wasn’t the dad, and began to have issues. I moved to Ohio with my sister and her family…i’m now 19, and found a job at a gas station by the highway. I moved, got a couple different jobs, then fell on hard times and had to move back home.

Now, before moving away, as I was working at Heck’s, i get a phone call at work…i NEVER get phone calls, so I knew something was wrong. It was my parents neighbors calling to say that dad had a heart attack and was at the hospital, and they were coming to pick me up. Dad had just finished building the new house, and they were moving in that day…mom had gone to lock up the old house for the night, and dad and his friend bob were relaxing at the kitchen table when my father just passed out. Bob figured out what was happening, and not knowing what to do, punched him in the chest. The doc said that saved his life, his heart had already stopped, and that restarted it. Bob then threw dad in the truck and started driving to the hospital. On the way, they were passing my mom coming home, and she pulled over. She rode with them to the hospital, without realizing that she left her car sitting by the side of the road, running, lights on, and door hanging open. Their neighbors found the car that way, immediately called the hospital to see if they were there and then called me and picked me up. Not long after that, I moved to my sisters. Then back home again.

A couple weeks after moving back home, my dad’s secretary calls the house and says that dad’s on his way home (in the middle of the day). Dad never, ever misses work. So I knew something was up. I asked Kim why….and she said that dad was working on a hillside and passed out. Ok. I called mom at work and told her, and she said she’d be right home. I was hanging up the phone with mom when dad pulled in the driveway. I said Hi! You’re home early! how funny, I just talked to mom, and she’s on her way home too, she got off early! and he said, So Kim called you, even after i told her not to, huh? And he went and got in the shower. Mom got home, figured out what was going on, and drove him to the hospital. Yes, he had another heart attack.

This time was worse, and he had a pacemaker put in. I stuck around until dad was better, and then a friend that i worked with in Ohio called me. She was now a manager in her own store, and she wanted to come and pick me up, take me to ohio to work for her. I’d live with them and work for her, and I’d be in akron ohio.

Working at yet another gas station. yay. LOL. As I worked there, I had regular customers. Dave came in every morning and got orange juice. He came in every evening with his wife Gloria and played the lottery. After awhile, they came in with their daughter Diana. We hit it off right away. We started dating. They let me move in. I was nearly 20, she was 17. He got me a maintenance job at the Akron Jewish Center, and he was my boss. He took a night job cleaning office buildings in the evenings. He got me a job working under him there as well. I was a supervisor. I got engaged to Diana, though we fought often. Her father found out we were having sex and went ballistic. He practically disappeared for a weekend. We were ok after that, but I moved out anyway. Diana’s grandmother passed soon after, and her parents asked me to go with them to the house to secure it, and stuff. Diana had spent the weekend with her cousin, and every time she did, she came back with a massive attitude, and we fought again in her deceased grandmothers kitchen, in front of her mom while her dad was downstairs. I told Di about her attitude, and about where I thought she got it, and she got pissed off, turned around and grabbed a knife off the kitchen counter and proceeded to threaten me with it. I was fucking irate….i was NOT backing down, and I took a step forward…her mother grabbed me from behind, knowing that if I got to Di, I was going to shove that knife down her throat. No one threated me like that, not after what I put up with in high school. Never again. Her father appeared out of nowhere, and literally “flicked” Di into the living room, where she proceeded to try to cut him….he finally got the knife away, and somewhat calmed her down. I left. Soon after, I went to their house to break up with her. It was not pretty, not one bit.

By now, I was living in a small apartment in akron, near barberton. I decided to quit my jobs, because Diana would often accompany her father to work and help out. He said I didn’t have to, but I didn’t feel right working for my exes father, and running into her at work occasionally. I should not have quit, that was one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. Oh well, hindsight.

So there, i have filled in about my high school and -between years, and I have caught up to where I left off in the Chapter 1…:) Hope you enjoy, and more to come.