Posts Tagged ‘gay’

Dear Readers,

I have finally gotten my shit together and have a way to post! This is the first chapter of my story THE THREE OF. I hope you like it. I do not have a beta reader or editor, so any mistakes are completely my own, and this is my first crack at writing, so please be patient with me (productive criticism is fine, but if you are one of those people who just like to tear shit apart and  make the writer feel bad, fuck off. I won’t let your negativity bother me in the least). Enjoy!


p.s. i do not own the rights to this pic, i got it on shutterstock. <<<


Chapter One

Laying on my bed alone, I’m trying not to think about him. Useless. The new boy has caught my eye, and my interest. I was quite content to fake-date girls until after high school, but now Thad has me yearning to be true to myself. Ugh. Damn it, I don’t even know if he’s gay! I could just be pining after the impossible.

“Jayse, dinner’s ready!” Mom yells up the stairs.

“Okay, be right down” I answer.

**10 minutes later**

“I’m fine Mom. Just not that hungry.” I’m really not hungry. My guts feel like a twisted pretzel.

“You’re just pushing your food around your plate. Something’s wrong, so out with it. Are you and Danielle having problems?” she asks. Pushy, as usual.

“No. Yes. I…” I can feel how red my face is getting. I never could lie to my Mom very well.

“Enough. Spill it. What’s up?”

“I…oh hell, I broke up with Dani. I couldn’t be true to her when I want someone else. It’s not fair to either of us.” I say, getting even more nervous.

“Well, that’s honest. I’m proud of you for not stringing her along. It’s not easy to see that in yourself sometimes.” Mom tells me.

I sigh. A deep breath, I let it out, and I decide to go ahead.

“There’s more. You may not like it.”

“Okay, tell me” she says as she pushes her plate to the side, giving me her full attention.

“My other interest is, um, not someone you’d expect. And I’m not even sure if he’s interested in me.” I blurt out.

It takes a minute as I watch her face go from that ‘I’m paying attention to what you’re saying’ look to that of ‘oh, i HEARD what you just said’ look. Comprehension dawns right there in front of me. Shit, have I completely fucked up?

She takes a long drink of her wine, then looks right at me and says, ‘Just to be sure, I did hear ‘if HE’S interested’ didn’t I?

“Yes Mom. I had planned on waiting awhile to talk to you, but meetin Thad has changed plans. Are you okay with it?” I know Mom loves me, and I really didn’t expect this to be a big deal, but you never know. It’s that 1% chance that scares the shit out of me.

She rolls her eyes and says “of course I’m okay with it. I love you no matter what, just a bit surprised is all. With all the girls you’ve dated, this wasn’t even on my radar. I was more worried about you getting someone pregnant! Guess that’s one worry off my mind. ” She giggles a bit as she says this, and walks over to hug me.

“I don’t find this funny at all”, I say. “What are you laughing about?”

“Well, it IS a bit funny, considering the fact that my brother, your Uncle Brad is gay. And I was a bit blindsided by this. Your father insisted on keeping it from you. He was quite homophobic, and didn’t want Brad anywhere near you. I’ve kept in touch with Brad without your father knowing. He just lives on the north side, and I would sneak visits occasionally.” she told me.

I knew that Mom had a brother, but I never met him. Now I knew why. I never got along with my Dad, not really, but he died in a motorcycle accident 5 years ago.

“Jayse, I guess it’s time you met your Uncle Brad, if you want. We can go this weekend, spend Saturday afternoon with him. What do you think?

“Absolutely! Why did you keep me from him after Dad died?”, I asked.

“Habit, I guess. And Brad was afraid of how you would react, worried that you had picked up your father’s beliefs about gays.” she answered. “I’m going to assume that is not going to be a problem now, right?”, she asked with a smirk.

I’m gonna say no, not a problem!”, I answered, excited about the prospect of finally meeting my uncle.


I would like some opinions on blog that I responded to earlier. In the end, i have now just stopped responding or even looking at it. I am truly offended and appalled at what “conservative christians” truly believe-how many lies that they believe about what will happen to their lives if gay marriage comes to pass….

Here it is, under the heading of What it is to be open-minded—I will leave her name out of it, because i am not looking for people to go and comment to her or harass her in any way….I just want your opinions myself. I know I began losing my temper in the end, so that’s why I’ve decided not to reply any longer….

Her post:

Often times conservatives are accused of being closed-minded, or NOT being open-minded. This is a shame because while I believe that certain individuals can be closed-minded and unwilling to see things from a new perspective, the conservative argument, and the values and morals that conservatives base their arguments are not close-minded principles.

So I ask you.

What does it mean to be open-minded? Are there different definitions?

The definition of “open-minded” is having or showing a mind receptive to new ideas or arguments. Fair enough. I would agree with this definition.

How are conservatives, as a whole of course, not open-minded? Is it just because we won’t allow so called gay “marriages”? Or because we are going protect the lives of the unborn and not give into the selfish arguments of the Pro-choice groups? Are we closed minded because we believe that government should be as small as possible, leaving the state governments stronger, and thus, giving the people more power? I could keep going.

Based on this logic, I think that there could be another definition for being open-minded. I think this is how the left sees it.

Conservatives are closed-minded, hence, NOT open-minded, because we don’t agree with the liberal’s point of view.

Eh, you don’t agree that gays should be able to enter into marriage? You are closed-minded. You are homophobic.

You don’t think women should be allowed the choice to abort their baby if they want? Closed-minded. You obviously don’t want right for women. You keep oppressing them.

You think that Christian morals and values should be upheld in our country? That’s closed-minded because what if it will offend the Jewish community, or Goodness forbid, the Muslims. Let’s allow them to build a Mosque on Ground Zero, but take away your National Day of Prayer.

This mind set it ridiculous.

Well, my conservative collegiates, how about we use this argument against the liberals.

You don’t see that marriage is a union between one man, one woman, and GOD? How about you start opening your mind that there is something greater in this life than always getting what you want. Just because we don’t advocate for gay marriage, doesn’t mean we are homophobic. We are not criticizing the person, we are not saying that they don’t have a right to be happy. We just don’t agree or condone the act.

You don’t see the sanctity and dignity in every human life, even those of unborn children? How about you start opening your mind to the joys of life, the simple things, the beauty and innocence of babies? How about you start seeing that we were ALL created equal. Whites, blacks, asians, unborn babies. They are humans; they have more than “potential.” They are human. They have a soul. We are all equal in God’s eyes, and He created us all equal.

If liberals want us to start seeing their side more, maybe they should work on seeing ours. They can say that conservatives need to be more open-minded all they want, but we can use the same argument.

I hope y’all see where I’m coming from here. I would love to hear what you guys think.

I hope it’s sunny where you are, because it’s a gorgeous day here. Sunny and warm. Makes me thankful for all I have in this life, and all that I have to fight for.

May God bless you on this day.


scotrik1 said:

I’d like to comment on this. Please don’t take this as argumentative, I do sometimes come across that way, but I’d like to explain my thoughts.

I’m 40, a gay man, and I was raised Catholic. I lived with hearing that I was going to burn in hell my whole life. I quit going to church at 18, though even now I consider myself Christian.

The difference between what you suggest and what gays suggest is this: we want rights that you already have. We are not asking for laws that would change your lives, only ours. You are asking that we settle for what you give us, changing OUR lives personally. You are requiring everyone to live by your moral code. We are just asking that we be allowed to marry the one we love, not that YOU have to marry someone of the same sex. If we get what we want, we are happy and christian lives don’t change at all. If you get what you want, our lives stay without any validation of love acknowledged, and your lives STILL don’t change at all. .

This is a quote out of my blog that I posted today: “Put yourself in someone else’s shoes…can you imagine not being able to hold the hand of your husband/wife in public for fear of having someone take a baseball bat to you? Or possibly stab you 57 times because you’re (GASP) straight?? Can you imagine NEVER talking about your home life for the same fear? Not that your wife made your favorite dinner last night, or that you’d like to leave work early because it’s your anniversary, or that your husband has just had a heart attack, and you’re not allowed to take off work to go to him??? Or for those who love someone from out of the country….having Immigration tell you that it doesn’t matter that you’ve been together for 20 years, they are deporting your spouse because hetereosexuality isn’t accepted in their world as legally binding for them to become citizens?? For those single heterosexuals–can you imagine not being able to even flirt a bit at the grocery store?” These rights are not going to change your personal life one bit, and yet ours would change for the better in drastic measures. Isn’t that what God wants? For us to LOVE each other? God gave me the love that I have for my partner, and it’s only the conservative christian viewpoint that keeps me from having these rights, many of which are designed for couples in love to take care of each other, especially in old age. Imagine growing old, and not being allowed to marry the one you love. No time off to care for them if they are sick, or take time off for their funeral because they are not your “spouse” or “immediate family.”

But that, in my view, is the difference. What you want keeps us from being happy, and what we want doesn’t change your life at all.



NewStatusQuo said:


First off, I am very sorry that you were told that you would “burn in hell” for being gay. I would like to tell you that that is NOT the stance of the Catholic church. The Church teaches us that it is not any of our places to judge a person by any means; we all have our own faults and sins, and judgement comes from God. Not any of us. In fact, the Catholic Catechism states, “They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives…” (CCC, no. 2358). I invite you to go look it up, if you doubt the stance of the Catholic Church on such matters. It is heartbreaking to hear that you left the Church due to the unjustified judgement of others.

On this note, it is also not our place to redefine marriage as the bible and God set before us. Marriage is more than an agreement between two people; it is a covenant, created by a man and a woman, to God. It is one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church. Just because conservative Christians are trying to uphold the sanctity of marriage does not mean that we are denying your right to happiness, or discriminating against you. And we most certainly do not believe that you will burn in hell. But what we are fighting for is the continuance of the will of God in this world, and as Christians and disciples of Christ, we are expected to trust in Him and do His will.

I appreciate your comment. I hope that someday you find it in your heart to return to the Catholic Church.



Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.

I don’t need to go look up the policies now, I left the church 22 years ago, from a church with an old-school Irish priest. I know the times have changed somewhat. But I’d prefer to have my own beliefs in God that I can believe in wholeheartedly.

I completely understand any christian that believes the parts of the bible that mention homosexuals (even though the passages before and after are ignored) may not want the church to sanctify a gay marriage-and that is every religions right. But I do NOT believe the way some christians are behaving when it comes to LEGAL marriage that has nothing to do with the church. And that is where I have a problem with the church interfering. I’ve had friends all my life that ran off to get married by a justice of the peace, or whatever your particular city might call it. No religion, nothing to do with any church organization. Just the laws of man. Now that’s what I want. I do not want to force any church to approve of it under their own roofs, but as Christians, I do expect you to live and let live…and love and let love. God gave me this love for another man….if not, then who do YOU think gave it to me?? Satan doesn’t create Love….so any christian that feels they are doing God’s will by stunting other people’s love in public and humiliating them is by far an atrocity in my eyes. And truly, how can you look at denying us marriage as NOT being discriminatory and denying us happiness?? That is exactly what it is. Conservative christians ARE denying our happiness, and treating us as second-class citizens, just as they did the blacks back in the Civil Rights era, using certain passages of the bible to put others down instead of holding them up for Love. It was Conservative Christians that wanted to keep the slaves during the civil war, and it was conservative christians that said women should be in the home and not out working and voting, and it was conservative christians that said blacks had enough rights and didn’t need to vote….

In the end, Jesus never once mentioned homosexuality, and it’s definitely not in the Top Ten (the Ten Commandments) and yet murders and adulterers are welcome to get married in the church….even after a divorce nowadays….but because I love someone of the same sex, you think that not only should I not be allowed to marry in your church, but that I should not be allowed to marry ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRY. Truly, I find that personally offensive, because it IS personal. And going back to my first response, my happiness would cost you nothing, and yet your happiness in this costs me everything. If you’d like to see more about my feelings on the matter, you are welcome to check out my blog as well, and comment.

Thank you for actually posting my comment (most don’t) and replying. I’d like to talk more about this with you. There is alot more than “just marriage” involved. One of my blog posts lists many of the “rights” that heterosexual married couples have that I am being denied. And many of them are very important for someone getting older and needing those. It is about Love, but it is also about humanity and loving thy neighbor and not viewing my love as less than yours.



The problem with saying that you want a marriage law just to apply to the government is that, eventually, the law will end up applying to Churches all over the country. As nice as that would be at times, it is implausible. A gay marriage law would end up being forced on churches, on all religions.

You are correct in saying that Satan does not create love. But he is able to create a false sense of love. I am by no means saying that your love is false or created by Satan. I do, however, want you to realize that Satan is manipulative. He wants us to turn away from God. He lulls us into this false sense of security, of happiness. His purpose is to get us to deny God, to deny the will of God and turn towards sin.

You say that by denying you the right to marriage, Christians are humiliating you. But I ask you: What do you think about Christians, who are often ostracized because we stand up against gay marriage? What about when WE are discriminated against because we don’t believe in the same things that you do? Is this also not in violation of human rights? It seems like a double standard. We are expected to see your viewpoint, and if we don’t side with you, then we are automatically being discriminatory and denying your right to happiness. But you are not expected to see where we are coming from, and you are allowed to attack us any way you choose because we stand up for what we believe in. I see this all the time at school. I experience this all the time at school. We are not denying your right to happiness! We are not discriminating against you! Denying the right to marriage is not about creating happiness. This whole argument does not produce happiness for us. It is about standing up for our Christian values, standing up for what we feel is right. Just like you are going to stand up for what you believe to be right.

I’m not sure how you can say that we are treating you like second-class citizens. I don’t see how you are treated any differently than anyone else, besides this whole argument.

I would also like to mention the fact that the Catholic church does not condone divorce, and a divorced person may not get remarried within the church unless their former spouse is deceased or they have received an annulment.

Those so-called Christians who enslaved blacks and justified it with holy scripture were not acting in conjunction with God and His word. So to compare Conservative Christians today (most of them at least) and those who enslaved Africans is unfair. And that is offensive to me, to be compared to a slave driver.

Just as you are asking me to see your viewpoint, I ask you to see mine and where I come from. You say that you have a lot to lose in this situation; so do I


My final response, which she has not yet approved, and probably won’t:

Again-we don’t ostracize and discriminate against you for believing what you do, we do that when you try to force your “morals” onto everyone else in the country. Again, Christ forced nothing of his teachings onto ANYONE.

You have nothing to lose in this. And if you think you do, you’ve been brainwashed by all those lying others that I rail against. What happens to me as to whether I can marry makes absolutely no difference to you whatsoever in your life. But it can make mine better. And if this is how you view Christianity-to hold to your views while it makes others less than you-then you truly need to review your ethics. Sorry to have bothered you-this is why I don’t usually comment, and I won’t be checking back to comment again. I truly hope that you have a wonderful life-even while you try to make sure that I don’t.


Now, in all honesty, I wanted to say much more. In the end, I kept it short because I didn’t want to truly get into issues and offend her for her beliefs. I truly do believe that she has the right to believe it, just not to pass laws regarding her beliefs while it makes others’ lives less fulfilled than hers. When I posted something about the gameplayer “straight male gamer” the other day, the game designer had a comment that I truly liked: “They’re so used to being catered to that they see the lack of catering as an imbalance. They don’t see anything wrong with having things set up to suit them, what’s everyone’s fuss all about? That’s the way it should be, any everyone else should be used to not getting what they want.” <—

The SMG was upset because in the game, it was setup that any person could have a relationship with any other person, gay, straight, multiple romances at once…..and some guy flirted with him OMG!!!! So he complained to the company that devised the game. The link shows the response, and KUDOS to Bioware and game developer David Gaider!!

Is this the case with Open-Minded as well? The christians are so used to using their money and power to coerce the laws into being, that they have forgotten that in reality, it’s just bigotry and selfishness on their part, denying other people rights? The more I run into people like Open-Minded, the more I want to run from all christians…then I realize that I have true Christians as friends, ones that don’t believe what she has been brainwashed into believing-that somehow the law will require churches to perform gay ceremonies, that it will change her life, etc, etc, etc. I have true Christians in my life that love me for me, and would be proud to attend my wedding if/when that time comes. So I calm my rage, and concentrate on those friends that support me and love me the way that Christ intended ALL PEOPLE to be cherished and loved.

So, open-minded?? No, I think that they are NOT open-minded about anything…they are hateful human beings that cast their teenage children out of their homes, or subject them to so much hatred that they would rather be dead than IN their homes. They rally and try to make us submit to their rule, trying to pass laws against OUR beliefs, they call us abominations and hold us emotionally hostage while they sit back and smile. They claim that their love is better than ours, that their faith is stronger, that their morals are more just. They are deluded, and this is the corruption of the Christian faith over the centuries. All this  just because of who we LOVE?! Wow…I can not understand how they even consider this to be a Christian way…it truly sickens me. Spreading lies to gain support like “the church will be forced to perform gay ceremonies if this passes” and “gay marriage will cause women to be forced to have children for gays and in the end be nothing more than slavery” and beating a 70-year old man to death with a sock full of stones because the bible said to stone gays…and the old man wasn’t even gay! This is just a short list, there are so many more, and the fact that people believe them is just proof of how people have allowed their religion to blind them to all common sense and sense of decency. I had my own personal problems with Christianity growing up, but I never thought that I would hate it….

So, I’ve been trying to get everything done for this chauffeur’s license for months. All the paperwork has to be dated within 30 days of applying for the licenses. I’m required to mail off for a S.L.E.D. check (a background check in SC), a physical from my doctor, a 10-year license history, a 10-finger fingerprint card, a sex offender registry report and a valid driver’s license of course LOL. I have finally gotten it all together! I have received my City of Charleston Chauffeur’s License, and am waiting til tomorrow when someone will be in the office in North Charleston to do a fingerprint card so I can go get my North Charleston chauffeur’s license! Tomorrow I will be able to take both licenses to Yellow Cab and get a date to start training!! WOOHOO!!!

I’ve also gotten my glasses, so I can once again SEE! I broke my glasses over 2 years ago, and haven’t had any since….although, somehow when I got my SC driver’s license I passes the eye exam without an eyeglass restriction. LOL 🙂

In the past week or so (well, a couple of weeks LOL), I’ve also joined with Take A Stand (, a group to help prevent bullying based out of Australia, and friended Caleb Laieski (founder) and Casey Cameron of GLUAD (Gays and Lesbians United Against Discrimination), who are helping with my cousin’s issue with being bullied in school. I’ve posted the link for GLUAD’s facebook page, but they also have a website you can check out soon. I’m hoping that I can work with these groups and people with my group TIN (Teens In Need) to help teens that need assistance of any kind. I’d also like to work on finding a way to help homeless gay teens here in Charleston, SC at some  point, but I think that might be a ways off before I’m ready to tackle that endeavor.

And please don’t forget about the other organizations that I’ve posted before! I’ll post links to them again here: an organization founded to help prevent gay teen suicide.
 an organization to help fight gay teen homelessness.


 an organization to prove that it gets better!


 an organization to help runaway teens.




All of these organizations are very important in our fight for teens to live happy well-adjusted lives, and to survive their teen years as kids are coming out younger and younger nowadays, making it more difficult for kids in school having to deal with coming out to their families, bullies at school, some being gay-bashed in school as well, depression and thoughts of suicide, along with some having to deal with religious upbringing on top of all the rest. Growing up catholic and gay, I know what it’s like with the family and religion thing, though I didn’t come out until I was 26 so I didn’t have to deal with bullying because I was gay, but I did have to deal with everyday bullying anyway.

Kids, if you need help, or just need someone to talk to, follow one of these links….it will help! There are things that can be done to help you, you just have to let us know you need help! And even if you’re not a teen, we’ll still help, so please don’t think we’d leave anyone out that needs help!







Sitting here on my front porch drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette, I’m thinking back on some of the posts I’ve seen, read and reposted on Facebook. I’m not really sure how some people have come to believe such a twisted and warped belief of what Christanity is all about, but somehow our “civilized” country has downgraded to such a depressing status that it’s just shocking. It seems our leaders are more concerned with illegal immigrants having rights in this country than our own citizens, along with feeling this need to “help” other countries while there are citizens here who desperately need help and go unassisted. Millionaires pay less taxes than I do, people are starving and homeless in our streets, and the civil rights of citizens is just for the elite “heterosexuals”. Even to the point of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade banning gay groups from marching, even though IRELAND HERSELF has ACCEPTED gay marriage-so the parade is not in celebration of all things Irish, it’s just a celebration to drink and discriminate, which seems like the norm here in America nowadays.

I want to address some of the idiocy that I’ve seen going around, and try to make some sense of it. I’m providing some links and stories avout some of the events I’ve mentioned in regards to “christians” and the way they view their christianity and how they should be living their lives according to the bible and Christ. Following are some examples of what I consider christians going above and beyond into the realm of hatred and ignorance rather than following The Way that Christ has laid out. Afterwards, I’ve also posted some links and stories for Christians that I feel are truly following The Path to God. I consider myself Christian, even though I’m gay and I do not go to church any longer. I still believe in God and Jesus Christ, even though I have integrated some things from other religions into my own personal faith-some even coming from pagan religions. I don’t think there is one true religion, and each person needs something different from their faith…I personally need some enlightenment and to find some center to my being, hence the pagan influences.

Anyway, here are some of those links and stories:

There was a YouTube video that I found on 3/14/2011, just days after the earthquakes and tsunamis hit Japan. A young “christian” girl of maybe 21 or 22 years old made a video of 6 minutes, about Thanking God for answering their prayers about converting atheists. Do you know how she thinks that God answered their prayers?? By killing people in Japan with earthquakes and tsunamis! THANKING GOD for KILLING PEOPLE! I find this truly appalling. Jesus taught love and tolerance. He spoke to the whores and the lepers and the sinners. He didn’t go around KILLING people that he felt weren’t worthy of God’s love. I passed the link around abit, and found out very soon that the video was removed for copyright issues. Now THAT I can Thank God for…  —–finding out that this was a SATIRICAL video….is it funny to you?? Not to me….

OK, try this one on for size…for some reason, a teacher thought it to be appropriate to call a gay student a sinner in class, and then write an ‘S’ on her hand standing for sinner! Now I don’t know about you, but my own belief is that 1)NO teacher should be writing on a student at ANY time…and 2)separation of church and state?? Hmm, maybe forgot about that one….and frankly, the teachers actions are completely inappropriate. Add to this the fact that the same school refused to let the students participate in National Gay & Lesbian History Month, AND the fact that they are trying to expel BULLIED kids, NOT the bullies!  Finding this one truly hard to swallow….

Another one- -a SENATOR, has come up with this….gay marriage will cause slavery and FORCE women to have babies for gay parents??? WTF has this dude been smoking?? in vitro fertilization leading to slavery….now i’ve heard it all…OH NO. BUT WAIT…THAT’S NOT ALL!!! YOU ALSO GET: so ludicrous that I can’t even comment on marrying an android, UGH!…this goes into the stack of christians who believe that gay marriage will lead to people wanting to marry their fucking dogs. At least we know where THEIR minds are….for christians with all these morals, they sure like to talk about perverted sex acts…hmmm.

And we can’t forget about this one- – gay marriage will lead to polygamy, incest, and disease?!? Wow, I had no idea there were this many politicians that were so uneducated….

And let’s not forget about THIS guy- – Tattoos Leviticus 18:22 on his arm…guess he stopped reading there. Leviticus 19:28 forbids tattoos…HAHAHAHA! Wow. Ah, so no person with a tattoo shall be permitted to marry as well?? Since they are sinners, and it comes from the same book of the bible that is most widely used against gays!

And lastly- – the idiocy that God is hateful and killing people in Japan again….stemming from the video stated above, this woman actually BELIEVES this crap! This one is NOT satirical…this is her true belief!


Now, I don’t want everyone to go ballistic thinking that I’m just bashing Christians. There are many that I truly repect. I’ll give you a few examples here, to set the balance. These people are True Christians!

Mind you, some of these Christians are not gay, just allies to our search for freedom.“We are the Leavitt Family.”

I am extremely proud of this ex-Mormon family. It’s a difficult thing to leave behind your whole belief system when the higher-ups have used the congregation for their own ends, and it’s realized. It causes alot of trust issues, and many losses of faith. I know-I stopped being an altar boy at 14….stopped going to sunday school at 16…..and completely left the catholic church at 18. The only time I will set foot in a catholic church is for close friends and family, for weddings or funerals. – A senator with a conscience and some common sense. Very proud of him allowing himself to see the truth of the matter. – another ex-Mormon. Realizing that Love Others means ALL others. Again, KUDOS!

I will state again that Faith and Belief are there for YOU to better YOUR LIFE and YOUR MORALS, NOT to push all of your crap on everyone else! Again, Christ preached to those who WANTED to listen, he forced nothing on anyone that didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t go around trying to make man’s laws coincide with his own personal beliefs and morals. This is the lesson that True Christians know…and these “other” christians need to learn.

Another link to someone I have a bit of respect for- – I would LOVE to go to one of his lectures and shake this man’s hand.

Only two more to go, then I’ll leave you to consider your response – – a christian with a true belief in people AND God. Faith in himself in regards to God’s Love and forgiveness.

And finally, this one – –  a gay christian that follows the true path of Love as well. He tries to convey how idiotic it is for “Christian” parents to disown their children because of sexual preference with his xtranormal cartoon vids, along with discussions and articles on many other things. He also writes articles for the Huffington Post.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes…can you imagine not being able to hold the hand of your husband/wife in public for fear of having someone take a baseball bat to you? Or possibly stab you 57 times because you’re (GASP) straight?? Can you imagine NEVER talking about your home life for the same fear? Not that your wife made your favorite dinner last night, or that you’d like to leave work early because it’s your anniversary, or that your husband has just had a heart attack, and you’re not allowed to take off work to go to him??? Or for those who love someone from out of the country….having Immigration tell you that it doesn’t matter that you’ve been together for 20 years, they are deporting your spouse because hetereosexuality isn’t accepted in their world as legally binding for them to become citizens?? For those single heterosexuals–can you imagine not being able to even flirt a bit at the grocery store for fear that the person might be offended that you like them? Some guy likes skinny chicks and some heavy-set girl flirts, he just says not interested, or ignores her….a guy flirts with him, he has to beat the living fuck out of him, or worse….where is the sense in this? It’s flirting…he’s not holding you down and fucking you! There is a massive double-standard here. Flaunting our homosexuality is not flaunting, it’s being open and honest with our loved ones about our lives.

One more thing….it amazes me that every bad thing happens for a reason, but if you believe in God, everything works out….and yet there are Christian homeless people, and Atheist millionaires…I do believe that God has a plan for us. I also believe that we have free choice. Those two don’t seem to go together very well, but I’ve seen my choices make a great impact at times on other people’s lives. I’ve met some people who have made a great impact on MY life. God means for us to love each other. Period. This hateful propaganda that the Love that God gave me for another human (though of the same sex) is wrong is ludicrous. And if you believe that it’s wrong, then YOU go tell God he made a mistake!

I know I’ve been a bit lax on posting…the story about Peron on my last “beginning” chapter took alot out of me…I’ll try to do better! 🙂

We left off after Peron’s funeral and my coming out to my parents. A wonderful place to pick up the story, i guess.

Living at Gina’s house was interesting to say the least. It was always an adventure! There was always something going on there, with her 4 kids at the time, and 2 ex-husbands….one of which we all despised, and one that was a high school chum of mine, but we started drifting. I was heavily drinking, and my friend Billy was meeting me at the bar most nights, and we shot pool constantly at the bar. I hung out at Club 358 then, and the owner Bob Fox was a great guy.

I ended up moving in with Harley and Michael for awhile (Micheal being my first man to have sex with way back), and things were ok. We all tended to drink quite a bit, and I got to be quite good friends with Harley. When I first met Harley a few years back, Michael was telling me things like “Harley sits in the bathroom talking to me when I’m in the tub, and it’s weird” not wanting me to know that they were dating. But by the time I moved in, I knew that they had been together for a couple years at that point.

I ended up being court-ordered to AA for my DUI when my truck got rolled, and that’s how I met a good friend (I’ll call her *Denise, since AA is anonymous). I was sponsored by a gay guy named *Jason at first, and went to gay meetings. It turned out that we began having feelings for each other, and I needed to switch sponsors, so I ended up with Denise as a sponsor. She let me move in with her to make it easier to get to meetings and work, and also to not be living with Harley and Michael with them drinking constantly. My life changed drastically for a year….I met *Brent, who got sober about the same time I did, whom Denise also sponsored. I really fell for Brent, and he was a great friend. We hung out all the time. I was dating a drag queen named Jose then, and like him alot, but things got crazy. Things were going well with AA and Brent and I started hanging out at the bar. It didn’t take long for Brent and I to start drinking again, and things went from ok to bad quickly. Brent and I had too much to drink one night, and ended up at Harley and Michaels house. We slept on the living room floor together. We started to mess around some, and then Brent passed out. I woke up the next morning feeling terribly guilty, even though almost nothing happened, having almost cheated on Jose.

I went to jose’s house that day. He was getting ready for a drag show, and started telling me that he wasn’t sure, after 3 months, if we could date because I drank. I told him that just because his father was a bad drunk and hit him doesn’t mean that everyone does that. “Have I ever even raised my voice to you when I’ve been drinking?” “No.” Mind you, jose drank as well. I just told him “I’m gonna go. When you figure out whether you can handle this relationship, you call me and let me know.” Most of that was the guilt from the night before with Brent, but I was truly offended by his offhand remarks about my drinking as well. I’m a very happy drunk, and I have NEVER hit someone I was dating. So that was the end of jose, and the friendship with brent lasted only a few months more, with nothing ever happening again with him.

Somewhere through here, I also dated another drag queen named Kristen. I was introduced to Jerry as a boy, and that was almost the last time i ever saw him out of drag. I don’t really find drag attractive, so I was put off a bit….at least jose only did it for shows and stuff….kristen lived as a woman and wanted to have a sex-change. We broke up after a couple of months, and she became a true slut, giving $5 blowjobs in the parking lot at the bar. A sad thing….

Well, now Im back to drinking heavily, and I moved in with a friend Brian and his mother. I still hung out at Harley’s, and Harley and I went to a hotel in Hudson to apply at a restaurant there. Sitting down to fill out the application, the manager comes up to talk to us, and it turns out it’s Dan, a friend that I worked with at the Loyal Oake way back….he hired both of us immediately. I had no car, but worked it out that Harley and I could work the same shifts together, so I had a ride. When it came down to the point where Harley quit, the hotel manager gave me a room at the hotel to stay at, and I moved into the hotel. There was an entire wing that was closed to the public, and several staff members stayed in the rooms there. It was great! I had keys, and the new manager (Dan ended up quitting) would call me at 5 or 6 am and say “there’s a party in the banquet room that needs setup for breakfast. Go unlock it and start setting it up, and I’ll be in shortly, i’m running a bit late”. So I put in lots of hours.

I ran into an issue with the exec chef there, as it was really dead one day, and I was playing the game at the bar. The barmaid was sitting there reading the paper. The exec chef tried to fire me, and not do anything to the girl sitting there with me. I called the hotel manager (whom I had become friends with), and he trained me at the front desk, and had me doing maintenance stuff for the hotel. I had a blast! We even went on the roof and watched the fireworks on the 4th of July! It was great!

It ended up that the hotel wasn’t doing well. I had also met Cowboy during this time, and his friend Jacqui. So when the bank finally gave up on trying to make the hotel work, they closed it. I ended up moving to cleveland with jacqui (big mistake, as she turned out to be a lying two-faced cunt!). I got the best job I’ve ever had at that time, at Ciao! Cucina in Playhouse Square in downtown Cleveland.

Within 2 months, I had had enough of the thievery of my roommate, and moved in with David and Petey who managed and worked at Ciao! David was promptly fired for mismanagement, and the restaurant service quickly went downhill. However, I was moved up into the private club upstairs for the high-end donors of Playhouse Square. I made $11/hour plus and automatic 20% on everything i rang up….i had my own full bar, and a small dining room, and I was the only one who worked the club along with the concierge.

I organized the club, the bar, how the patrons were treated, I had credit cards on file so that they didn’t have to worry about paying before they went to the show. I started a catalog of regular members, and what they drank, etc to make sure that when they made reservations, we had what they needed.

The club was on the 2nd floor, and the kitchen and restaurant were on the 1st floor. I put in the order upstairs, waited awhile, and went and checked on it downstairs. On the weekends, they had foodrunners that brought me the food. The kitchen was supposed to immediately put my orders to the front, because of the status of the patrons.

David was a diganosed bi-polar individual, and beat up on Petey on a regular basis. I stuck up for him once while living there, and they made up the next day making me the bad guy. I didn’t do it again, even when Pete was screaming for help. He put himself back into a violent situation, and I was not going through that twice. I ended up moving, and staying with Randall, a friend from work. Great place, great friend, and we had some GREAT times! He’s still one of my dearest friends….

Working in the club The show started at 7:30 on this particular night, and by 7:10, my guests had not gotten their food. I went downstairs to find out what the hell the holdup was, and it was another 20 minutes for the food. Somehow, I got blamed because the chef didn’t pull the order to the front. NOT my fault! HE didn’t do HIS job! But I got in trouble. I was placed back downstairs in the restaurant.

Our friend Jed had been made the lunch manager. She was a country-hick girl, and we got along great, until she made manager. All of a sudden we couldn’t BE friends because she got promoted. I was scheduled as a bartender one lunch, and she asked me to get a take-out order while i was trying to get ready to open. I asked her if she could do it as I had a lot to do to open, and she said “it’s the BARTENDERS job to do takeout orders! Now go take the order!” So I did. The very next day, I was scheduled on the floor, and Jed was the day bartender. She was upstairs, answered the phone, and sent another server downstairs to tell me to take a takeout order. SHE was doing nothing, the server she sent down was doing nothing, and she wanted me to stop getting ready to open to take an order. I sent the girl back upstairs and said “Tell Jed it’s the BARTENDER’S job to take take0ut orders! I’m busy!” Needless to say, Jed wrote me up (only my 2nd in over 2 years), and 3 days later, fired me for the same offense. WTF?!

So this is how I ended up working at the Great Lakes Science Center doing Catering. I met Nancy there, and Donna, the manager, loved me to death. I was made Banquet Captain almost immediately. She made me a deal….if I did the scheduling for her for the servers and bartenders, she’d pay my cell phone bill since it required calling staff constantly to find out availability and to let them know their shifts. I ran up a $1200 cell phone bill in 3 months. She ended up getting fired, and the new manager Julius refused to pay for the phone bill. Again, WTF?! We argued about things constantly, Julius was very overbearing and controlling. I did not get my raise I was due, and he did not acknowledge my Captain status. At that point, I was done. He scheduled me alone to open and setup a breakfast deal…at which time I had talked to a good friend Uncle Kenny and he wanted me to come work for him doing construction on a new bar. So I wrote up my resignation, and sent it in that day with Nancy. Mind you, I was supposed to do the setup at 6 am, and nancy didn’t go to work until 9…so he never even knew I was quitting until 9 am. I am NOT the one to fuck with!

So I started working with Uncle Kenny on building the new Grid Nightclub, a fantastic gay club! A fantastic job! Took a little over a year, and we also did some small jobs at the Nature Center in Bay Village, building cages for their new exhibits of animals. Bay Village is where we happened to be when 9/11 happened. We worked the Nature Center during the day, and then worked on the tear-out of the Grid in the evenings. We were at the Nature Center when the staff came out and told us about 9/11 as it was in progress, and we went inside and watched. The Grid was in downtown Cleveland, so we didn’t even know if we’d be able to work there that night, until we went there later. Downtown was deserted, absolutely desolate. Listening to the radio, they were talking about the middle-eastern doctors at the Cleveland Clinic applauding when the towers fell….we resisted, but we SOOOOO wanted to go down there and kick their fucking asses. It was just appalling. The fact that we trusted them to take care of our sick family members, and they applauded when thousands of  people died, including rescuers working in the medical field that they are supposed to be part of!! Highly offended!

It took us over a year to finish the new Grid, and it was GORGEOUS! A huge dance club, known worldwide…many people traveled from Europe just to see it….a great place! I ended up bar-backing for 3 months after they opened, and then I was offered a job at MJ’s Place to manage the bar. MJ’s was a small neighborhood gay bar. I grabbed it! I worked at MJ’s for a year bartending, managing, and even cleaning the bar. I had even set up a benefit for the Prysm group, a gay youth group, and the chinese auction that I arranged made $500 to send the kids to a special Tolerance Camp.

By this time, I was living with my friend Steve in Garfield Heights, and we got along great! I spent several years as housemates with steve. I moved out to live with my friend Nancy and then Willy for a short time, but ended up back at steve’s.

This is a good place to stop for the current post. Working at MJ’s, I met J.J., and that is a long long story in and of itself, so I’ll stop here, and continue with J.J. on the nest post. Thank you for reading my blog!! Have a wonderful day!!!!


I would like to address all LGBTQ teens with this post today. Please understand that your life COMPLETELY changes once you are out of high school! I know it’s hard, whether you’re closeted or out, with bullying, with dealing with your sexuality in your own mind and coming to terms with coming out or staying in the closet a bit longer, on top of all the other “normal” teen issues and pressures. But you have to understand that life outside of school is completely different! Yes, there are still bullies, places that are unsafe to be “out”, and people who will hate you…but it’s nothing like being stuck in a school where you must be around these people every day. Just try to get through it! It’s not that far away when you graduate and get out of that system of abuse and intolerance!

There is help out there if things are so far out of control that you want to die! I have a group and fanpage called Teens In Need <— (the fanpage)—on facebook, there are organizations like The Trevor Project and Project LifeVest to help with teens wanting to commit suicide or LGBTQ homeless teens, there are groups out there to help with bullying if your school refuses to do anything about it, there are people out there willing to listen, if you just need someone to talk to about your life and decisions! It Gets Better has people out there showing you that it DOES get better! My TIN fb fanpage has resources listing all of these organizations and others, from help with suicide to homelessness to bullying to runaway hotlines. Please look for help before you decide to die! We need YOU to help fight with us, so that others aren’t put into the position that you find yourself in! And once you have that cap and gown on, YOU can make decisions to place yourself where you don’t have to live in fear, and are accepted by others like you. There are millions of us out there, you just have to find us! You are not alone in being gay or bi or transgender or out or closeted…or any other of the many “labels” that we have. We have many straight allies that are there to prove to you that not everyone hates gays, not everyone persecutes us.

There is help out there, if you just look for it. Please, take a few minutes to talk to some of us before you make a decision that you can’t take any more…there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, but you can only see it if it’s dark where you are, and someone points it out.

I grew up in a small town in WV. I didn’t come out until I was 26. Between where I lived, and being raised catholic, I had issues that I had to deal with. I never actively tried to commit suicide as a teen, but I thought about it, and I took risks that could easily have led to my dying hoping that maybe…..but thankfully, it didn’t happen. I have made an impact on many lives as an adult, and hopefully most have been on a positive note. You all have that potential! When you are done with school and you move on to adulthood, you will make many differences in many people’s lives. You should not deny those people the privilege of getting to know you later in life. You could save a person someday, from the suicidal thoughts that you might be having now, just because you know what they are going through, and can share your story.

Again, I implore you…I’ll beg if I have to…please, please, please look for help, for someone to talk to….stick around to make a difference!!


I’m sorry, it seems to me that sometimes my timeframes are a little confused. I’ll need to backtrack often to fill in bits and pieces that I forgot. This is one of those posts.

I did happen to accidentally overlook two important parts…before my truck accident, for about 4 or 5 months. I had gotten to know the neighbor who lived right next door. His name was Peron. I still miss him terribly to this day. I was young and stupid, and made my mistakes as usual. And I came out to my parents during this time as well. Here is a bit of fill-in on a couple very important parts.

I was living with Gina, in North Hill in Akron, OH. There was a man next door named Peron. We started talking, and this is our story. There are times when I’m just walking through a crowd, and I smell Patchouli cologne. That is what Peron wore, and it will still bring a tear to my eye. Here is why:

Having gotten to know Peron a little, there seemed to be a mutual interest. He was African, literally from Africa-his Mom still lived there. We got quite close as time went on. As we were getting closer, my parents came up to visit my sister, and I drove over to see them. I was nervous, because I planned to come out to my Mom while she was there. I had to work that afternoon, and I ended up putting off talking to her until I had to get ready for work. Ten minutes before I had to leave, I finally got my courage up, and asked Mom to talk in my sister’s bedroom. I was dressed for work, and had to leave soon, and I never asked to speak to her alone, so she knew it was something important.

I basically hemmed and hawed and said I didn’t know how to really say this….and she said ” I know, and so does your father. We’ve known for years, and we still love you, no matter what.” Being raised Catholic, I had truly thought things would get rough. And it turns out that I didn’t even have to say it out loud. I was in shock, and I asked her that why, if she knew, she never told ME so that I wasn’t dying inside thinking that I might be disowned from my family that meant everything to me. She just said that she’s my mother, and it wouldn’t matter what I did or who I was, that she would always love me. I told her I had to go to work, and ran out the door, trying to keep from crying. I made it to the truck before I broke down, and I cried the entire trip to work, which was about 40 minutes away. I had to force myself to calm down, and concentrate on my work. I was a server in a restaurant, and my boss knew immediately that something was going on. She asked me, and I told her what had happened. She just smiled, and said it’s ok, take a few minutes, pull yourself together, go grab a cigarette, and come back when you have yourself together.

Now while this was going on, I was also growing closer to Peron. I spent some nights with him, and he talked to me about being exclusive. I was a little surprised, but having only had 1 boyfriend before him, I didn’t really know how to react. I pushed him away, and I talked to him about how my father was a bigot that didn’t like black people, and that it was going to be extremely hard for me to take a man home for the first time to meet my parents, let alone with that man being black. I didn’t want to put him OR me through that. I broke up with him.

This was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and I still feel that if I had chosen a different path, it would not have cost Peron his life.

We were still good friends and hung out. A couple months later, Peron decided that he was moving to Florida, and gave himself a going-away party at the local gay club with some of his friends. I was invited, and I went to the club that night. He seemed to have a blast, and his friends were great! It was a good time. Little did I know what the future held…..

Six months later, another neighbor that worked in a hospice was talking to Gina about one of her patients. She had moved ina few doors down after Peron had moved away, so she didn’t know him. Gina got the impression that the man in the hospice that was dying from AIDS was Peron. She talked to me about it after work one night. I denied it. There was NO way it was Peron. He was in Florida! I thought she had lost her mind.

This went on for a couple of weeks. During this time is when I rolled my truck, so I had to walk to work, or take the  bus. I usually just walked.

Gina finally took it upon herself to go to the hospice and see if it really was Peron. She was convinced it was. She called me at work one evening, and told me to please come straight home after work so she could talk to me, because I had a habit of going to the bar most nights. She had not told me of her plan of going to the hospice.

I went straight home after work, and she told me what she had done. It WAS Peron. She said I should go visit him, because he didn’t have long left. He was dying. I freaked, and I could not bring myself to go see him. We figured out that the going-away party was not for him to go to Florida, but for him to get away from his friends so that they didn’t watch him die. I was devastated.

Three days later, Gina called me at work again and asked that I come straight home from work. I was upset, and had a feeling what she was going to tell me. When I got home, she sat me down and told me that Peron was in the hospital, and he would probably never leave it. His time was close, and I needed to go see him if I ever wanted to see him again. I had a very difficult time of it, but I had to walk past that very hospital on my way to work every day. I decided to stop in and see him. I was extremely nervous…almost to the point of being sick.

I went in, went to the nurse’s station on that floor and asked for his room. She pointed out the room, and told me to go ahead in. I stood outside the door for a minute, then knocked lightly and went in.

I still cry to this day when I think about my reaction. I walked in and saw someone laying in a bed. That person was so skinny that his bones protruded. There was nothing left, just skin and bones. I didn’t even recognize him. But I knew I was in the right room, and I knew that this was Peron. Dying. He looked at me. He couldn’t even speak at this point, he just looked at me. My eyes started to fill with tears and I panicked. I walked over to the bed, kissed his forehead and said “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I can’t do this. I am SO sorry Peron.” And I left. Nothing else said, nothing. I had been in the room a total of about a minute and a half.  Again, I cried all the way to work. I was a wreck and couldn’t work. I tried. But my boss understood, and sent me home. I went to the bar instead, and got utterly blasted. Crying most of the night, drinking until I couldn’t see anymore. I sat alone, and ignored all my friends there. They knew to leave me alone.

Peron died 3 days later.

I was compeletly lost. I knew I didn’t handle things well with him, and I felt guilty for not being there for him, guilty that if I had stayed with him that he wouldn’t have contracted AIDS in the first place, guilty that I had cared so much for him and let him down with no way to ever make it up to him. This began an even MORE alcohol-ridden existence. I was already drinking heavily, but now I was getting trashed every night. Gina and I went to the funeral, which took weeks to get together because of Peron’s mother having to get Visa’s together to leave Africa to come to the U.S. for the funeral. Gina and I went through the line to show our respects after the service, and I hugged his mother. I was speechless, and I couldn’t say anything. She didn’t even know he was gay when Peron and I were seeing each other, so I had no idea if she even knew who I was, but it didn’t matter. She just hugged me back, and we left. And I, of course, went to the bar.

Everyone tells me not to feel guilty. But I do. I know that if Peron had been positive when we dated, that I would no doubt be positive. It took me over a year to get the balls up to go get tested. I was negative, and at that point I fell apart again, knowing that he was negative when we were seeing each other, and that if we had stayed together he would still be here.  And all because I was afraid of taking a black man home to my father. I truly cared about Peron, and I had let him down so massively that I couldn’t get over it. And still to this day, haven’t gotten over it to some degree.

My father never liked any single person I had ever dated. Not one. Nothing I did was good enough, but at the same time, no one I ever dated was good enough for me, according to him. I never understood it, and still don’t, and doubt that I ever will. And I doubt that he will ever like anyone I ever date in the future. But that’s just a part of my life that I have to deal with.

My father so disliked Red when I dated her, that she hugged him at my grandfather’s funeral in ’95, and he went to my mom and told her to let me know that Red is NEVER to touch him again. Try explaining that to someone that you care about…”my father doesn’t want you to ever touch him again, not even to show support at a funeral.” This was the beginning of a short rift in the family with me. Everyone just says “that’s dad” and I was having none of it. We had never gotten along well, but that very moment when mom told me that, i had to pull away from him. We had never been close, and the distance I put between us then stays there to this day. We are civil to each other, but that’s about it. There was a time that, along with my guilt over Peron, that I blamed my father as well, but I realized that I was just being stupid. It was MY fault for being afraid of rocking the boat.

I will never forget Peron, and I will probably never forgive myself for what happened. I have moved on  with my life, but I still think that this plays a part in my relationships with everyone I go out with. I have trouble getting close to people, or I go to the complete other extreme and fall for them completely.  I don’t think I’ve had a healthy relationship since. And I’m not sure how to fix it. But again, that’s life I guess.

Well, another chapter of my life, so those of you wanting to know about me, this is my story. It continues, and there are many more chapters to come. It’s very hard for me to write about these things, but I think I have to. It’s only a little about sharing my life story with my friends, it’s more about purging my own soul in some way. But I’m glad that some of my friends are interested enough to visit this blog and learn about what makes me Scottie. There are only 2 or 3 people on the planet that know all of my history, the rest just know bits and pieces. So this blog fills in some gaps that even my closest friends and family had no clue about. With the end of Chapter 5, we are still in 1996, and  things are rough. Still another 15 years to go, and they are longer stories because I remember more details, so keep up if you want. Tons coming, a chapter at a time.  And you are welcome to comment or ask questions about any of my posts. Thank you all, for reading this, for being there all these years, for just being you. I do appreciate all of you! Love you all!