Posts Tagged ‘love’

Dear Readers,

I have finally gotten my shit together and have a way to post! This is the first chapter of my story THE THREE OF. I hope you like it. I do not have a beta reader or editor, so any mistakes are completely my own, and this is my first crack at writing, so please be patient with me (productive criticism is fine, but if you are one of those people who just like to tear shit apart and  make the writer feel bad, fuck off. I won’t let your negativity bother me in the least). Enjoy!


p.s. i do not own the rights to this pic, i got it on shutterstock. <<<


Chapter One

Laying on my bed alone, I’m trying not to think about him. Useless. The new boy has caught my eye, and my interest. I was quite content to fake-date girls until after high school, but now Thad has me yearning to be true to myself. Ugh. Damn it, I don’t even know if he’s gay! I could just be pining after the impossible.

“Jayse, dinner’s ready!” Mom yells up the stairs.

“Okay, be right down” I answer.

**10 minutes later**

“I’m fine Mom. Just not that hungry.” I’m really not hungry. My guts feel like a twisted pretzel.

“You’re just pushing your food around your plate. Something’s wrong, so out with it. Are you and Danielle having problems?” she asks. Pushy, as usual.

“No. Yes. I…” I can feel how red my face is getting. I never could lie to my Mom very well.

“Enough. Spill it. What’s up?”

“I…oh hell, I broke up with Dani. I couldn’t be true to her when I want someone else. It’s not fair to either of us.” I say, getting even more nervous.

“Well, that’s honest. I’m proud of you for not stringing her along. It’s not easy to see that in yourself sometimes.” Mom tells me.

I sigh. A deep breath, I let it out, and I decide to go ahead.

“There’s more. You may not like it.”

“Okay, tell me” she says as she pushes her plate to the side, giving me her full attention.

“My other interest is, um, not someone you’d expect. And I’m not even sure if he’s interested in me.” I blurt out.

It takes a minute as I watch her face go from that ‘I’m paying attention to what you’re saying’ look to that of ‘oh, i HEARD what you just said’ look. Comprehension dawns right there in front of me. Shit, have I completely fucked up?

She takes a long drink of her wine, then looks right at me and says, ‘Just to be sure, I did hear ‘if HE’S interested’ didn’t I?

“Yes Mom. I had planned on waiting awhile to talk to you, but meetin Thad has changed plans. Are you okay with it?” I know Mom loves me, and I really didn’t expect this to be a big deal, but you never know. It’s that 1% chance that scares the shit out of me.

She rolls her eyes and says “of course I’m okay with it. I love you no matter what, just a bit surprised is all. With all the girls you’ve dated, this wasn’t even on my radar. I was more worried about you getting someone pregnant! Guess that’s one worry off my mind. ” She giggles a bit as she says this, and walks over to hug me.

“I don’t find this funny at all”, I say. “What are you laughing about?”

“Well, it IS a bit funny, considering the fact that my brother, your Uncle Brad is gay. And I was a bit blindsided by this. Your father insisted on keeping it from you. He was quite homophobic, and didn’t want Brad anywhere near you. I’ve kept in touch with Brad without your father knowing. He just lives on the north side, and I would sneak visits occasionally.” she told me.

I knew that Mom had a brother, but I never met him. Now I knew why. I never got along with my Dad, not really, but he died in a motorcycle accident 5 years ago.

“Jayse, I guess it’s time you met your Uncle Brad, if you want. We can go this weekend, spend Saturday afternoon with him. What do you think?

“Absolutely! Why did you keep me from him after Dad died?”, I asked.

“Habit, I guess. And Brad was afraid of how you would react, worried that you had picked up your father’s beliefs about gays.” she answered. “I’m going to assume that is not going to be a problem now, right?”, she asked with a smirk.

I’m gonna say no, not a problem!”, I answered, excited about the prospect of finally meeting my uncle.


hope and despair

Posted: February 22, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,



Hope is what the world wants, needs, desires. Hope in equality, hope in achievement, hope in personal enrichment, hope in spiritual enlightenment, hope for the future. Is there any stronger thing in the world? Maybe only Love and hate….and despair. Everyone has hope, whether they believe it or not, but despair will try to deprive them of that truth. There is always hope. If you believe that there is hope.

Hope and Love of course go hand in hand, as do hate and despair. People with Love in their hearts will love others and have hope for their future, others’ futures, and positive things when they look forward. Exactly the opposite is true with hate and despair. People who hate see no future for themselves, are jealous of those with Love in their hearts, and despair of ever having good things in their lives.

I find it amazing how some people can let hatred lead them to despair so easily. Many don’t even try to combat it, and some don’t  even recognize it for what it is. Mind you, hate is not the only thing that can lead to despair. There is loneliness, jealousy, along with chemical dependency and other disorders, It’s not an easy thing to stay away from, but it IS possible.

I can not fathom why some people hate as they do. It’s a miserable existence, to feel animosity towards everyone, or even just particular groups of others. It feeds on your soul, and takes bits away as if it were a bite, ripping away chunks that you can never get back. It makes you feel worthless, jealous and alone. Why would someone make a choice to be these things? Humanity was not meant for this.

What humanity WAS meant for is love, brotherhood, unity, and a bright future filled with all the good things that this life contains. Your soul craves these things. Your soul is your anchor for your personal morality, your compass for right and wrong, your vase to fill with beautiful flowers or to empty and put away under the kitchen sink where no one can see it, appreciate it, or love it. And some  people don’t put the vase away, they just let the flowers rot, and leave the old stagnant water in it to turn brown with the rotting stems of the once-beautiful flowers. What kind of soul do YOU have? One filled with Love, one filled with Hate, or an empty one placed on a shelf? THIS is truly a choice. Not always consciously, but always a choice. You can choose to be hopeful or you can choose to lose yourself in your own miasma of negative emotions and actions.  It’s your call, and I’m not giving you a quarter to make it. You have to do it on your own. It’s your life, your mind, your body, your spirit, your very soul on the line, and it’s up to you to change what needs changed and make things better for yourself and those around you.